STILLWATERS

You Have To Break Free...

2011-10-19T23:42:00.000-05:00

You’ve tried so hard, for so long. You’ve left, and then returned to try again – several times. You’ve given it your all, over and over again. It seems no matter what you do, it is never enough. You still always seem to fall short of his expectations. He doesn’t like what you say. He doesn’t like what you do. He doesn’t like what you think. He doesn’t like what you feel. You’ve begun to start every day with a feeling of dread, apprehension and fear. Your life is dominated by an overwhelming feeling of sadness and despair. It feels like a bad dream. So what is left for you? You feel like your only choice is to leave, yet again, but this time you have to figure out a way to break free of the hold he has on you, and never return again.

Sound familiar? If so, then you are probably in an emotionally abusive relationship. You may hear him say every day how much he loves you, yet he doesn’t treat you right. All of the signs are there and you KNOW that there is NOTHING you can ever do that will make this relationship work. You are a victim of verbal abuse, which in turn, is having a devastating effect on you, your self-image, and on your ability to cope and function as a normal person in this world.

Emotional abuse is defined as a set or combination of traits or behaviors that are intended to control and dominate another person through fear, guilt, intimidation, humiliation, and manipulation. It is a pattern of behavior that occurs repeatedly over time, gradually getting worse and worse as the abuser establishes his control over you, proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects. It gradually breaks down your spirit, destroys your self-worth, steals your confidence, and hampers your ability to trust, to love, or to have any faith in yourself or anyone else.

Emotional abuse also causes harm to your physical health. You sleep poorly, don’t have an appetite, and invariably have stress-related conditions like depression, anxiety attacks, chronic fatigue, ulcers, and migraines.

Many of the following behaviors are common for abusers. Any of these behaviors alone or together are abusive:
• Extreme jealousy of other men and women, friends, family, co-workers, and children
• Suspicious – of everything you do when you’re away from him – monitors phone calls, text messages, e-mails – while at the same time keeping his unavailable to you
• Isolating you from family, friends, and anyone who could provide emotional support
• Emotional withholding – refusal to share his feelings – or being unaware or insensitive to your feelings – giving you the silent treatment
• Lack of physical intimacy such as hand-holding or cuddling
• Verbal abuse – yelling, name-calling, insults, shame, sarcasm, threats
• Humiliation – criticizing you in front of others, pointing out your flaws or embarrassing moments to others
• Selfishness – demands that all of your time be devoted to fulfilling his wants and needs – you’re never allowed any time for yourself
• Threats: verbal – “you will be sorry,” and physical – throwing things, breaking things
• Lies – keeping secrets from you, half-truths, rearranging facts to suit him
• Mixed messages – telling you how much he loves you while he continues to treat you badly
• Dependence – tries to convince you that you are nothing without him, no one else will want you – you are unworthy of his love
• Fear – a non-verbal threat that you will suffer the consequences if you do not do things the way he wants
• Raging – screaming, yelling, throwing things, cussing
• Intimidation – using his strength and his power to make you afraid of what he might do
• Sexual dominance – using guilt, shame, physical force in order to force you to have sex with him when and how he demands it, with no regard to your feelings
• Blame – it’s always your fault, he is never responsible for anything wrong in the relationship
• Hiding his bad behavior – doesn’t let the public witness how he mistreats you
• Physical violence – slapping, punching, kicking, grabbing, pinching, pushing, biting, choking, restraining
• Treats you like a possession rather than a partner
• Keeps you from sleep – or wakes you in the middle of the night to point out your shortcomings
• Superiority – his thoughts, his actions, his knowledge, and his love are always superior to yours

The effects of emotional abuse last your entire life. You’ve received the underlying message that life is not safe or stable. Because of a lack of security or consistency, you always feel tense, afraid, and insecure. Over time, this leads to depression and anger. Because of the emotional abuse, you begin to believe that nothing you do is right, and you feel tremendous guilt over everything you do. You forget how to even recognize what is right. You live every day tense, always anticipating the next round of criticism and blame. You never feel safe. You don’t trust anyone, because you have been conditioned to believe that when you trust someone, they invariably hurt you. You believe that you really are unworthy. Everyone is kept at arms-length, because without realizing it, you think that the only way to feel safe and secure is by living a life alone, away from other people. Your life is filled with an all-consuming sadness because your heart is breaking.

You reach a point in your life where you HAVE to do something. You HAVE to see the truth about your situation, and about yourself. You HAVE to believe that you are a beautiful, loving, good person who is worthy of receiving love, real love from another person. A love that builds you up, instead of tearing you down. A love that allows you to be the imperfect human that you are without consequences. A love that believes in you and all that you are capable of. A true love – an UNCONDITIONAL love.

The real truth about you is that you are an amazing, beautiful person. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Your life has value. Your feelings matter. You deserve to be accepted. You deserve to be loved by a real man that will support you, protect you, and will never hurt you physically or leave you. And one day, some day, you WILL find that love that you deserve.

So please, start to believe the truth about yourself, and let that truth empower you to break free, so that you can begin to experience the life that you deserve…

A Time

2011-06-18T19:43:00.000-05:00

for everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.

a time for quiet strength to be born, and a time for insecurity and self doubt to die.

a time to plant courage, and a time to harvest peace.

a time to kill self-hatred, and a time to heal from fear of abandonment.

a time to tear down walls that protect me, and a time to build up hearts that love me.

a time to cry about how hard its been, and a time to laugh about how hard its been.

a time to grieve over the loss-of-my-back-as-i-once-knew-it, and a time to dance because i still can.

a time to scatter people who don't give a rip about me, and a time to gather people who do.

a time to embrace my voice, and a time to turn away from worrying about what other people think.

a time to search for balance, and a time to quit searching for the finish line.

a time to keep whats important, and a time to throw away all the rest.

a time to tear apart right doctrine, and a time to mend what i deeply believe.

a time to be quiet about what isn't, and a time to speak about what is.

a time to love slow steady transformation in myself others, and a time to hate impatience.
\
a time for war against resistance, and a time for peace in the chaos.

amen.

Finding Your Inner Strength

2011-06-01T23:18:00.001-05:00

One day as I lay in bed, I watched as the wind blew with such velocity. The trees were being tossed around like they were rag dolls and it reminded me of our own inner strength. As a tree is blown around, it doesn't think about what might happen to it. It doesn't wonder or worry if it will survive. In the midst of chaos, it stands with its roots planted firmly in the ground, trusting and knowing that "this too shall pass."

As a survivor of domestic violence, it reminded me of the time I had made a conscious decision to leave and never look back. I, too, had felt the powers of the wind. My tree was blowing and I felt it would snap in two in a moment.

Deep within each one of us, there is a core. This core is our balance, it's our center, one could even say it's our own "trunk," our pillar of strength. However, somewhere along the line we often lost sight of our own inner strength and we find ourselves feeling weak, dis-empowered and possibly hopeless.

One of the ways in which an abuser controls us is by making us believe that we are powerless, that we have lost our inner strength and that we cannot live without them. Usually it starts with verbal abuse or mental abuse as we become continually bombarded with statements that we are lazy, worthless, selfish, among others. Over time, we begin to believe it and then we own it. From there, day by day, our inner strength fades, we become hopeless, our branches may break and we lose ourselves in the storm.

Your inner strength lives deep within you. It is always there, even if you feel you've lost it somewhere. Finding your inner strength is finding yourself. You reach deep down within you and plant your roots solidly, deep within the earth. Feel yourself connecting, feel yourself gaining your footing. This is where it begins, as you gain more confidence you awaken your inner strength. The more awakened you become the stronger your roots become.

Tami MacDowell
"Be your own awakener to the beauty and power that are alive in you right now."
John-Roger

Surrendering To Change

2011-05-08T22:13:00.000-05:00

Change can be good - we get new jobs, new marriages, new looks, new homes. Our children grow up, they have children of their own. Our children grow into people that maybe we don't like so much, yet we still love them. Sometimes the outcome is good, but sometimes it is bad. Sometimes we have to pretend that we are embracing this change, yet inside we already see the inevitable outcome, the sadness or loss that we know will come. We want that change, yet we are afraid of it. We need that change the same way we need to know that we are safe in this world. We may hate our circumstances, but are often afraid to change them.

It doesn't really matter whether or not we like change, whether we embrace it or run in fear. Change is going to happen all the time, whether we choose to participate or not. We're going to have seemingly unimportant change, and vast, overwhelming change. Even when we have a choice to change, and we choose not to, change is going to happen anyway. What choice do we really have? We can either walk right towards that change, or we can do nothing, and let change happen on it's own, while we just sit there in our "safe" little miserable world. It's going to happen either way.

We can struggle and fight against change, or we can surrender to it, scary as it may seem. Surrender may feel to some people like giving up control. Surrender is defined as: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence). It means to wisely accomodate ourselves to what is beyond our control. Things are going to happen to us that are beyond our control: divorce, aging, sickness, dying - it's what life is about.

We have to learn to live in the moment, and understand that life is nothing but transition. It's ok to be afraid of it. It's ok to gripe about it a little. As long as that paves the way for acceptance and acknowledgement that change is sometimes good, sometimes not, but it is always happening.

Musings...

2011-04-01T20:34:00.000-05:00

This poem was written for me a couple of years ago
by someone who, at one time, was very special to me...

Beyond the Blue...

Time has not faded

the azure of your eyes.

They are wiser...sadder,

but still they hold me.

Without a word, they speak

to the deepest reaches of my soul.

To me, they are as beautiful

as I remember.

I long for the day

that I can see you again.

Your sweet smile, your warm embrace,

your soulful sapphire eyes.

Until then I'll embrace this yearning,

happy just to hear your voice.

Knowing that, one day, I can

look into those eyes again and see -

Beyond the Blue…

BK August 2009

2011-03-29T18:46:00.001-05:00

Had a scare driving home from work a couple nights ago around midnight. Some idiot thought he was being cute I guess, and was driving side-by-side next to me, refusing to let me pull ahead or drop back, and he was staring and gunning his engine. It felt like he was going to try to force me off the road or something. I managed to turn off the road towards a convenience store, but it left me shaken. But no worries - because now I'm PACKING! Got me a .38 tucked under my seat for the next fool who tries to mess with me!

Note to Self

2011-01-26T00:20:00.001-06:00

Staying True To My Path

2011-01-25T23:00:00.002-06:00

On this day, God wants you to know:

... that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step. You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you - but if that step backwards is so much safer than that step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do, is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times.

Wow - this speaks to me in SO many ways. It comes at a time of great decision and transition in my life. I've climbed that mountain. I'm sitting on the peak looking at the downhill side. I can actually see the goal I've set, way down there in that valley. It would be so easy to just throw myself forward and let my momentum carry me. But there will be unavoidable hazards along the way. It doesn't seem very safe. Wouldn't it be much safer to just go back to where I started? Or maybe I should just sit here on this peak. It feels really safe here. Do I continue on the difficult path that is set before me, that I charted, do I choose the easier, safer route back down the mountain where I came from, or do I just sit right here where it's comfortable and do nothing?

Decision making has never been easy for me. There are certain areas in my life where I am very weak. I will make a decision, take steps to carry it out, and then change my mind and return to where I was. Because of fear. Because of insecurity. Not knowing if I am strong enough.

Staying true to your path involves having a direction, a plan.

Direction can be defined as:

1. the general development or progress of

something or someone

2. the feeling of having a definite purpose

3. instructions for doing something or getting

to a place

So yes, I have made some progress. My purpose is to achieve wholeness, happiness, rightness and peace. Getting to that place is where the difficulty comes in. Sometimes, it’s so hard to be true to your path. I think that I will have to pay very close attention to what my heart is telling me, and yield to that, because it is in the heart where our light is, where we find our courage, our strength, and our place of healing.

So yes, I know I have to take that irreversible step and go down the other side of this mountain…

Note to Self:

2011-01-19T14:32:00.001-06:00

Note to Self

2011-01-15T18:03:00.000-06:00

I'm getting stronger every day...

Note to Self:

2011-01-14T23:58:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I get so caught up in the struggles of everyday life, that I forget about some of the most basic things that are important to me. I've been trying to remind myself of these things lately, hence another topic is being added to my blog, and I'm labeling it Notes to Self. All of them can be found under that label on the right-hand side of my blog towards the bottom. So without further ado, here is the first post in that category:

Keeping On

2010-12-23T10:30:00.003-06:00

I've dreamed many dreams that never came true.
I've seen them vanish at dawn.
But I've realized enough of my dreams, thank God,
To make me want to dream on.

I've prayed many prayers when no answer came.
Tho' I've waited patient and long.
But answers have come to enough of my prayers,
To make me keep praying on.

I've trusted many a friend that failed,
And left me to weep alone.
But I've found enough of my friends true blue,
To make me keep trusting on.

I've sown many seed that fell by the way,
For the birds to feed upon.
But I've had enough golden sheaves in my hand,
To make me keep sowing on.

I've drained the cup of disappointment and pain,
I've gone many days without song.
But I've sipped enough nectar from the roses of life,
To make me want to live on.

You Might Be a Home Health Care Nurse If...

2010-07-16T21:28:00.003-05:00

Signs you might be a home health nurse....

1. You can walk into a absolute strangers home, get a complete (26 plus pages) medical history, check their bathroom, fridge, and bare bottom in 45 minutes.

2. You have ever rolled a patient over and found roaches in the bed with them.

3. You have flicked roaches off a patient's leg in the midst of wound care.

4. You can (and have) apply a wound vac to any anatomical location--as long as you have enough tegaderm and stoma paste.

5. You have used a coat hanger as an IV pole.

6. Directions to find your patient have included "turn at the big tree and then drive another 10 miles."

7. You could insert a Foley catheter unassisted blindfolded.

8. You have planned your visits schedule around which patient has the "clean" bathroom.

9. You plan your visits to the ghetto between the hours of 10am and 2pm while the drug dealers are in bed.

10. Maintaining a sterile field involves the added challenge of keeping the dog, cat, grandkids and previously mentioned roaches out of your field.

A Stirring

2010-02-02T10:26:00.003-06:00

The joining of my body with yours
has awakened something
deep within my soul.

A stirring of feelings
that have lain dormant
for so long.

Trying to make sense
of the thoughts
that fill my head.

To bring into perspective
the cloudiness
of my mind.

To embrace the arousal
that courses
through my veins.

It speaks to me
in the still of the night
It is desire...

Copyright Patti Phillips
January 2010

May You Have Peace Within

2010-01-17T11:39:00.004-06:00

A prayer attributed to St. Theresa of Lisieux:

''May today there be peace within...
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be...
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others...
May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you...
May you be content with yourself just the way you are...
Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love...
It is there for each and every one of us...''

St-Theresa of Lisieux was known for her "little way" philosophy of serving God by doing small things. Her most famous recent namesake, who may soon also be beatified, is of course Mother Teresa, the Albanian-born Indian missionary who founded the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta and won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979.

Mother Teresa is quoted as saying:

"We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love."

There's a Right Time for Everything

2009-09-14T20:40:00.004-05:00

Ecclesiastes 3 (The Message)
1
There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
2-8
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
9-13
But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I've had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going. I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That's it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift.
14
I've also concluded that whatever God does, that's the way it's going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God's done it and that's it. That's so we'll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear.
15
Whatever was, is.
Whatever will be, is.
That's how it always is with God.

What season of life are you in? Are you making the most of your time, living up to your potential, and using the gifts that He has given you? He has made EVERYTHING beautiful. Make sure your life is pleasing to Him.

I Am...

2009-09-02T02:33:00.006-05:00

sharing my trials, my feelings, my fears
caring about your pain
daring you to speak your deepest thoughts

remembering what was between us
cherishing every moment I get to hear your voice
loving the closeness I feel with you

whispering your name
missing your presence, your smile
waiting for events to unfold

wanting to hold you
needing to feel your warmth
yearning to be with you

hoping I will not disappoint you
dreaming of the day
asking for a way

praying...

Let It Be Me

2009-09-02T02:02:00.004-05:00

When you need a friend to trust,
Let me be that friend.
When you need a hand to hold,
Let it be my hand.
When you need an ear to hear,
Let it be my ear.
When you need a cheek to kiss,
Let it be my cheek.
When you need someone to love,
Let it be me.

I'll be right there waiting...

Patti Phillips August 2009

Selflessness

2009-08-20T01:43:00.012-05:00

I read Phillipians 2 tonight. This is what it says to me:

If you truly are a follower of Christ, and He has made a difference in your life and heart - then be agreeable with those around you, love them, connect with them on a spiritual level. Don't be selfish, always trying to have the attention on yourself. Rather be selfless, bringing praise and attention to others. Forget about what you might gain from a situation, so that you may instead be a help to others.

In trying to be Christ-like, you have to take on His characteristics. Selflessness - having a servant's heart - rather than expecting others to cater to you because you think yourself stronger, richer, wiser. Christ gave up all of the privileges of having equal ranking with God, and became human. He gave up all of the benefits that went along with that deity, and lived his life unselfishly and obedient. His ultimate gift of selflessness was when he died in obedience, at the hands of man, a cruel, prolonged death on the cross.

God rewarded that obedience by elevating Him to the highest place of honor, to be praised and worshipped by all of creation, in order to honor God.

Continue to live your life seeking Him, responding to Him, and being obedient to Him. Work even harder at it than you ever have before. Find the joy in your life, upholding Him in quiet obedience and sensitivity. That joy comes from within, from the Spirit of God, as He works through and in you to carry out His will. This is what most delights Him.

So be cheerful and willing in all that you do, without contention. Live a life of decency, honor and wholesomeness. Be the one that brings purity and goodness to this broken and corrupt world. Let all who come your way see a glimpse of the righteousness and wholeness of God in your life, so that they may see the hope that they can have in Him too.

Think On These Things

2009-07-13T18:40:00.009-05:00

My friend in Christ, Johnny, reminded me today that no matter how difficult, hopeless, or overwhelming things may seem, I still need to fix my mind on God, and think on the things that He has promised me.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.Philippians 4:8-9 (New International Version)
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message)
For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of [a]untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.Philippians 4:8-9 (Amplified Bible)

I've always believed that circumstances will not get you down unless you allow them to. I've been up against some difficult circumstances, and it's been very difficult for me to not allow them to overwhelm me. I cannot change things, but I can change how I react to them. Some of the promises that I am going to fill my heart with are these:

He knows me by name, and He knows my circumstances. When the future seems dark and perplexing, and I am feeling helpless and alone, He is at my right hand, supporting me, upholding me, and cheering me.I am never alone. He there with me wherever I go, whatever I do. There is not a sigh breathed or a pain felt that does not reach my Father's heart.If I lay claim to the promises that I have in Him, I will never know failure.I will not allow anyone or anything to steal my joy.He will answer my prayers in His time, in His way. I will hold fast to my faith and never give up or distrust, maintaining my confidence in Him - and the blessing will fall upon me like a shower of rain.
It has been said that "those who have borne the greatest sorrows are frequently the ones who carry the greatest comfort to others, bringing sunshine wherever they go. Such ones have been chastened and sweetened by their afflictions; they did not lose confidence in God when trouble assailed them, but clung closer to His protecting love. Such ones are a living proof of the tender care of God."
I want to be that living proof.

The Curse Of An Aching Heart

2009-07-13T01:59:00.005-05:00

You made me think you cared for me,
And I believed in you.
You told me things you never meant,
And made me think them true,
I gambled in the game of love,
I played my heart and lost.
I'm now a wreck, upon life's sea,
Alone, I pay the cost.

You made me what I am today,
I hope you're satisfied.
You dragged and dragged me down until
My soul within me died.
You shattered each and every dream,
You fooled me from the start.
And though you're not true,
May God bless you,
That's the curse of an aching heart.

The dreams I dreamed of future joys,
You smiled on, though you knew,
Deep down within your faithless heart,
They never would come true.
Still further on you led me,
till my paradise I saw,
Then with one word you banished
all my hopes for ever more.

You made me what I am today,
I hope you're satisfied.
You dragged and dragged me down until
My soul within me died.
You shattered each and every dream,
You fooled me from the start.
And though you're not true,
May God bless you,
That's the curse of an aching heart.

(Lyrics from a song by Al. Piantadosi and words by Henry Fink, published in 1913)

It's In the Valleys I Grow

2009-06-25T05:34:00.003-05:00

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It’s then I have to remember
That it’s in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God’s love
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it’s in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan’s loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I’m feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it’s in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it’s in the valleys I grow!

© Jane Eggleston

Contemplating...

2009-06-24T18:04:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting outside today, thinking about things that happen in our lives that we have no control over. Things that other people do that affect us in a dramatic way, and how frustrating it is to not be able to do anything to stop or prevent it. Several things have happened lately that are weighing heavily on my mind and my heart.

It's difficult to not question why, why me. Why am I chosen to carry such burdens, when everyone else around me seems so carefree? I know that we don't see into the lives of others as we do our own. I know that there are many people around me that are carrying more heartbreaking burdens than I am. But my pain is what is real to me. My fears are real to me. My daily struggle is to not allow my circumstances to get me down - to send me into a downward spiral of depression and self-pity. I refuse to let that happen.

I know that my God is a loving God, and I know that He will see me through. There will be lessons learned, wisdom gained, and new paths to take. It's just a slow, slow process. But I will learn. I will grow. I will rise above it.

Is It Worth It?

2009-05-19T02:17:00.003-05:00

This was written by a friend named Chris. You can find his original posting here

Sun 8:04pm
On December 3, 2007 too many lives to mention were shattered. One was forever lost, the rest were emotionally spent. Why does such foolishness take place? Selfishness and pride.

I usually don't use my notes as a platform to "preach", today I have no choice. What is in my head must be put down. Learn from this.

We are all selfish and proud. You, you, you, and even you. I am selfish and proud. To many that may not seem like a bad thing. Right? I have reasons to be proud. Proud of my family, proud of my accomplishments, proud of my kids, proud of my parents, proud, proud, proud. Yet the Bible is clear that "pride goes before the fall." You probably don't think of yourself as selfish, but you are. You want, you need, you deserve, you, you, you. I am the same way. I want to play golf, I want to sleep late, I desire this, I deserve that, me, me, me, I, I, I.

So let me be bold. You deserve Hell. I deserve Hell. Thank you Jesus for not giving me what I deserve, BUT for giving me mercy instead.

This past week, I've lost control of my emotions twice. I don't like doing that. I wish I hadn't, but since I can't change the past, let me just apologize to all who saw me "freak out".

What could possibly cause such emotional demonstrations from me? My brother. My little brother who is going to teach you all a lesson.

On Friday, May 15, 2009 my brother was sentenced to serve 20 years in the state penitentiary for intoxicated manslaughter. I cried harder than I ever remember crying. I wailed so loud that I shook. There was a pain in the pit of my stomach that stayed for a long time. It still tries to show up. You know what? I wasn't even the person who hurt the worst. Two teenage boys and 3 siblings, of a man who lost his life surely hurt worse. I'll see my brother again. They never will.

The district attorney painted a vivid picture of how evil and horrible my brother was for this horrific act. The families of the deceased will probably only see him that way as well. But Mat is not vile and terrible. On one night in December he simply let his pride and his selfishness have their way in his life and now...was it worth it?

I've been a minister for over nearly 20 years now, and I've had a war inside of me for many of those years concerning, what many in the older generation call, "the demon alcohol". Let's be frank the Bible never tells us to not drink. It's not in there. In fact Jesus drank wine and Paul tells Timothy to have wine for his stomach. Whether or not it is fermented wine or not, I'll let the Greek and Hebrew scholars debate. The bible does say two very important things concerning alcohol though:
1) "Wine is a mocker and beer is a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise." Prov. 20:1
2) "Do not get drunk on wine which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the Spirit." Eph. 5:18

When I was in my young teens I got drunk. It sounded like fun, but let's be real. It's not. Puking is not fun. Having no memory or hazy memories...not fun. Headaches all the next day, fun-less. If you are deceiving yourself with your pompous arrogant attitude saying something ignorant like, "Hell, yea it's fun." You're a liar and you know it. Being intoxicated and inebriated is no fun. So now at 36 I don't get drunk. I don't drink at all. Not because, "Christians don't drink", but simply because I don't need it. I don't need a beer to help me wind down. I don't need a mixed drink to help me have fun. And I don't need the grief that drinking in excess brings.

Wait a minute there, Chris. I can handle my alcohol. You're probably right. This time you can. But alcohol causes you to lose your inhibitions. If you've had a really great day or a really rotten day, you think you deserve just one more drink. And then your friends show up so you have to have one more drink with them. Then they feel bad for you or celebrate with you and you need one more drink. And then because you're arrogant enough to think that you can "handle your alcohol" you drive off and kill a man dismembering his body into three pieces.

Everybody thinks, "That will never happen to me." I'm just being hard because of what my family's been through, right? That is exactly right. No one. NO ONE, should have to feel what those boys, what my mom, I have felt this week. No one thinks it could happen to them...until it does. Do you "deserve" a drink? No you deserve hell. Do you "need" a drink to relax? Then you're co-dependent and need psychiatric help. You want...I repeat...you want a drink. You want TO drink.

Look, I'm not over the edge. I'm not saying ban alcohol. In fact if you drink one or two drinks in your home and you don't leave. There is nothing...NOT one single thing wrong with it. In fact I could have a glass of wine with my steak at home and I'm not breaking the law or sinning. But, and this is a big but, my kids see that, and whose to say if they can "handle" their alcohol. Or if their grandchildren can handle theirs.

If you believe you can handle it and you have no problems with a drink here and there, kudos to you. I hope you never experience what we have. I simply know this one thing for certain. If you never drink, you'll never drive drunk, and you'll never be convicted of intoxicated manslaughter.

One last footnote note. On the day my brother was sentenced, an aunt called with sympathies...she was already drunk.

Sophia's Heart

2009-05-18T16:51:00.009-05:00

Many of you are familiar with Danny Gokey, one of this year's American Idol contestants. He created this website it honor of his wife Sophia's work. She passed away shortly before he auditioned for American Idol. Now that his Idol participation is over, he will be blogging on the website again. I wanted to share his Feb 11, 2009 posting with you. He shares a very important message that we all need to consider. It's the posting titled "Letting Go."

Here's the link:
Sophia's Heart

Yikes!

2009-04-30T20:58:00.005-05:00

Early this morning, around 2:00 a.m. I went to the kitchen for a drink. I reached out to turn the faucet on, and this is what I saw:

It was about 3 inches long. I'm sure you can well imagine the disturbance that commenced. I screamed and ran down the hall yelling to my husband to Get up, get up, there's a poisonous creature in the kitchen! Hurry up before it gets away! He staggered down the hallway in a haze of confusion and alarm, trying to figure out what I was going on about.

Somehow the whole house didn't get woke up. He took one look and said, That's just a centipede. It's not even poisonous. I'm still hollering Hurry up and get it outside! Kill it! He slid it onto the flyswatter, walked outside and dropped it in the grass.

Now I'm watching everywhere for the creepy crawly thing to show up inside the house again. Why couldn't he have just killed it? There'll be no rest for me.

Do You Like To Blog?

2009-03-14T19:19:00.001-05:00

It seems that everyone is blogging these days, including myself. You can find mine at http://stillwaters1965.blogspot.com/ Though some people blog as a form of revenue, I just do it because I like to write my thoughts on things, or share specific interests or links with others. I like it when other people read my blog and leave comments letting me know they enjoyed what they read. It would be nice to gain more exposure to my blog.

Attracting readers is important to build a blog following - a readership. One of the ways you can do that is by submitting your blog to various blog directories - a search engine specifically for blogs. You can find many interesting blogs to read, and subscribe to. Often when you provide a link to someone's blog on yours, they will in turn link to your blog on theirs. Over time, you can develop quite a list of followers.

Among the most popular blog directories, these are some of my favorites with the largest listings.

Best of the Web Blog Search http://blogs.botw.org/
Bloggeries http://www.bloggeries.com/
Blog Hub http://www.bloghub.com/
Blogged http://www.blogged.com/
Blog Catalog http://www.blogcatalog.com/
Globe of Blogs http://www.globeofblogs.com/
Blog Universe http://www.bloguniverse.com/
Boggernity http://www.bloggernity.com/
Bloggapedia http://www.bloggapedia.com/
Blogging Fusion http://www.bloggingfusion.com/
Blog Flux http://www.blogflux.com/
Blog Listing http://www.bloglisting.net/
Blog Explosion http://www.blogexplosion.com/

Electric Cars

2009-03-11T08:42:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, one of these showed up in my neighbor's driveway:

A limited number of them are to be available this year, for lease - $850 month. Then they would become available for purchase in 2010.
This is said to be a fun but quirky little car. One example is that the battery takes up the entire rear end of the car, so it definitely won't seat more than 2 up front. I'm sure there will be alot of pros and cons pointed out about this car. I just think it's cute. It would be very practical for me to have one to toodle around town in. Only I want mine to look like this:

Laurie Heath Studio

2009-01-16T16:06:00.002-06:00

I wanted to share this website with you. Laurie is an awesome photographer. Her pictures are beautifully amazing. Click on the following link: Laurie Heath Studio

I'd Rather Be Dehydrated

2008-12-04T01:16:00.001-06:00

I'm sure everyone has heard about the plan to recycle urine into water on the International Space Station.
I read this on NASA's web page:

Space shuttle Endeavour is carrying two refrigerator-sized racks packed with a distiller and an assortment of filters designed to process astronauts' urine and sweat into clean drinking water.

The crew of the International Space Station will test the whole apparatus, but they won't drink any at first. Instead, they will take numerous samples and return them to Earth for detailed testing. After the testing is complete, controllers will clear the astronauts to use the fresh water in orbit.

I'm sorry, but nothing could make me drink that water. I don't care how much it is filtered, processed and tested.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Stronger - Breaking Free Update

2008-11-21T01:50:00.004-06:00

And I am happy to say that my heart is still growing stronger! I am so very proud that I am now 10 months smoke-free!!!! Yaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kind of Creepy

2008-11-11T17:11:00.001-06:00

I was noticing the ads in the far right column on my MySpace home page. They are advertisements for things that I have recently typed in the search field on google. Spyware protection doesn't do any good for something like this. I hate that everything I do on the web is being watched.

My Friends, I'm Sorry

2008-10-29T05:24:00.006-05:00

My friends, I'm sorry if I've seemed:

Uncaring,
Distant,
Uninterested,
Indifferent,
Mean,
Self-absorbed,
Unapproachable
Removed,
Miserable,
or
Sad.

I haven't meant to alienate anyone.
I've just been a little too wrapped up in my personal problems,
And I've forgotten to let my light shine.
It's been a little dim lately, but I'm working on that.

Sometimes I just need a little reminder that I've forgotten to respect myself.

I'm moving forward now.

My Struggles Make Me Strong!

2008-10-25T00:32:00.002-05:00

Butterfly

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly
One day a small opening appeared
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
It struggled to force its body through that little hole
Then it seemed to stop making any progress
It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could
And it could go no farther.

So the man decided to help the butterfly
He took a pair of scissors and snipped off
The remaining bit of the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily, BUT,
It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings
He continued to watch the butterfly
He expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge
And the body would contract
Neither happened!
In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling
Around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It was never able to fly.

The man acted with well-intentioned kindness
But he didn't understand the consequences.
The restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get
Through the tiny opening, were nature's way of forcing fluid
From the body of the butterfly once it achieved it's freedom
From the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
If nature allowed us to go through life without any
Obstacles, it would cripple us.
We would not be as strong as we could have been
And we could never fly
Have a great day, great life, and struggle a little.
Then fly!

Awesome Crackers!

2008-10-23T02:50:00.000-05:00

I picked up a box of these at the store today, and they are awesome! One side is like the original buttery cracker, and the other side is like a pretzel. You gotta try them. They also come in cheddar flavor.

I Wonder Why He Is So Ungrateful

2008-10-11T03:09:00.001-05:00

My son has been staying at a girl’s house for the last week or so, after we told him he could no longer stay here. He did manage to find a job a couple of days ago. Unfortunately, when he came home the first day from that job, the apartment manager told him he could no longer stay with his girlfriend, because he wasn’t on the lease. He called me that night, explaining what happened, and asked me if he could stay at the house until he could get it straightened out. I reluctantly said yes.

The next morning, I woke him up for work. He griped and moaned and said he’d get up in a minute. I went back 10 minutes later and told him the time. He griped louder. At 7:00 a.m. I told him the time and said if he didn’t get up right then he would be late for work. Well, he got up about 10 minutes later, pissed off at me because I wouldn’t leave him alone. Because he was late, I made his lunch, and some breakfast tacos to take in the car with him. No thank you, of course.

That afternoon, I went and bought him 4 pairs of pants for work, and some shoes. I also bought some bread, lunch meat, peanut butter, jelly, crackers, cookies, and a case of water for his lunches. Last week I bought him a new pair of tennis shoes.

I woke him up this morning at 6:30 a.m. He wasn’t happy about it - said he was going to sleep 15 more minutes. I reminded him that today I would not be making his lunch or his breakfast, so he’d better allow enough time for that. At 7:00 p.m. I went back in and told him the time. He cussed at me. I told him that I didn’t want him to lose his job. He lay there griping and cussing. I told him that I wasn’t going to listen to his mouth, and if he didn’t get up he would be jobless and homeless.

Now we really didn’t want him to lose his job, because that would put him in an even worse position for finding somewhere to live besides our house. He couldn’t be added to the lease at his girlfriend’s house, because of his police record. Walt went in and told him to get up now, and go to work. He cussed Walt out, got up, and stalked around the house cussing and calling us “mf’ers that can’t leave somebody alone“. This went on the whole time he was getting ready. Walt got pissed and told him that when he got home from work, he could come here and get his clothes and go. He wasn’t staying at the house tonight. He told him that we were just trying to help him, we’d done a lot for him, he was ungrateful, and that I didn’t deserve to be talked to in the manner that he talked to me.

He stormed out the front door, furious and cussing us out where all of the neighbors could hear. The mayor of West Columbia lives right across the street from us. There are several elderly neighbors that have known my family all of my life. It is so embarrassing to me for him to do this, and it’s certainly not the first time he has. As he passed our car, where Brianna was sitting waiting to leave for school, he pointed at her and started cussing her out. He got in his piece of crap car and floored it. We live on a corner lot. As he approached the corner, he floored it and flew into the turn. His tail end swung around and his car spun twice in the middle of the turn. The culvert that runs under the road is pretty large, and the drop off is about 4 feet. Somehow he managed to keep his car from flying off of the culvert. He then floored it and headed off in the opposite direction going about 50 mph on a neighborhood street.

So - our neighbors got quite a show. We were embarrassed and upset. Brianna was crying. I stood there thinking, “Where did I go wrong? What is wrong with this child? I don’t deserve this. “ I truly wished that he would have run off of the culvert so his car would have been un-drivable. It seemed that there should have been some kind of consequence for his horrible behavior. But that would have just caused him to stick around longer. I guess being told to not come back was just consequence.

After I comforted Brianna, and told her goodbye, I went back inside the house. I fully expected to get a phone call telling me my son had been in an accident. I didn’t hear anything, and he didn’t come by this evening to get his stuff. So I don’t know where he is, or who he’s staying with. I absolutely can’t let him come back here. None of us deserve to be spoken to the way he did, especially Brianna. The house has been so peaceful since he’s been staying with his girlfriend. 2 days back at our house, and it was full of turmoil. NO THANKS! I just can’t do that anymore.

Hurricane Education: What we've learned during Ike . . .

2008-09-30T01:44:00.001-05:00

1. Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.

2. No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't work without electricity.

3. My car gets 23.21675 miles per gallon, EXACTLY (you can ask the people in line who helped me push it).

4. Kids can survive 4 days or longer without a video game controller in their hand.

5. The Astros can’t beat the Cubs in Milwaukee especially when they don’t get any sleep.

6. He who has the biggest generator wins.

7. Walking around your home in the dark should be a new Olympic sport.

8. A new method of non-lethal torture- showers without hot water.

9. There are a lot more stars in the sky than most people thought.

10. TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.

11. A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser's to a drinkable temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14 lb. Turkey frozen for 8 more hours.

12. There are a lot of dang trees around here.

13. Flood plain drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously wrong.

14. Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is definitely not required.

15. Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14 generators.

16. People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for.

17. When required, a Lincoln Continental will float - doesn't steer well but floats just the same.

18. Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.

19. Cell phones work when land lines are down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.

20. 27 of your neighbors are fed from a different transformer than you, and they are quick to point that out!

21. Hampers were not made to contain such a volume.

22. If my store sold only ice, chainsaws, gas and generators... I'd be rich.

23. Price of a can of soup rises 200 percent in a storm.

24. Your water front property can quickly become someone else's fishing hole.

25. Tree service companies are under appreciated.

26. I learned what happens when you make fun of another states' blackout.

27. MATH 101: 30 days in a month, minus 6 days without power equals 30 percent higher electric bill ?????

28. Drywall is a compound word, take away the 'dry' part and it's worthless.

29. I can walk a lot farther than I thought.

County should count blessings in wake of Ike

2008-09-21T01:28:00.000-05:00

By Bill Cornwell
The Facts
Published September 21, 2008
That whistling noise we heard early last Saturday morning was a bullet grazing past our community and hitting Galveston. But for 20 or 30 miles west, we would be where Galveston is today.

I still have a list of addresses, homes that were still occupied by residents who ignored mandatory evacuation notices.

I was lead officer on Lake Jackson’s Fire Engine 5.

Our assignment was to drive a sector of Lake Jackson hours ahead of Ike. The information we were obtaining was for rescue and body recovery post-hurricane.

Thankfully, the list wasn’t required.

Even though we sit in dark houses and look out over debris-strewn lawns, we are the lucky ones.

If you still have a home, family and friends, you have no complaints.

When The Facts’ managers and I broke from our meeting prior to the hurricane, I told them to look around and take stock — “What you see now may not be here when you come back. Life will change.”

A few miles away that prediction came true. Galveston, Bolivar and points east took the brunt of Hurricane Ike.

My dear friend, Dolph Tillotson, publisher of The Galveston County Daily News, is facing the nightmare I envisioned for most of our county: Loss of basic services — water, sewage and power — grocery and retail disruption, commercial and industrial uncertainty.

With the exception of our battered friends in Surfside Beach and Quintana, the rest of our communities remain intact.

We are the lucky ones.

It might not seem so now, but we are.

Here are some positive thoughts:

I think Surfside Beach will recover and reinvent itself.

Perhaps this situation will bring the infrastructure the city needs to move forward.

Many laughed when our county officials called for a mandatory evacuation Wednesday.

Thank you to those who endured the criticism and made that call.

Our municipal leaders did an exceptional job.

They have worked nonstop and are the reason your basic services continue to operate.

Don’t blame them for your electricity woes.

Our sheriff, police, Department of Public Safety, emergency medical personnel and fire departments were out there guarding property, clearing streets, marking downed power lines and putting out fires.

In many cases, they went well above the call of duty.

Many of our local businesses, especially those selling building materials and groceries, worked off of generators to open as soon as possible to meet our basic needs.

Several local restaurants opened back up quickly to the relief of those craving iced tea and a hot meal.

Because of the lack of power, our neighborhoods have become more social places.

As we sit out in our lawn chairs and stop to offer each other help, many of us are getting to know our neighbors for the first time.

I could go on, but the point is we should count our blessings.

Brazoria County, its municipalities and its residents have done a good job in a tough situation.

We are alive, the power will come back on and this experience will have made us wiser and more appreciative of what we have.

Bill Cornwell is editor and publisher of

The Facts.

Copyright © 2008 The Facts

AFTER IKE

2008-09-13T22:49:00.000-05:00

I was in the middle of writing another storm update on Friday around 7:00 p.m. when we lost power. It’s just been restored this evening, so I didn’t get to write any updates during the hurricane at all. We got lucky on this storm. There has been very little damage in town. Mostly there are lots of sticks and branches in all the yards. There are some downed trees around town, with 2 or 3 of them blocking the road. Businesses had minor damage, with signs blown around, or knocked over. I didn’t see any trees that had damaged roofs.

The wind picked up right around the time we lost power, just before dark on Friday. It increased in strength throughout the night, but never got really bad until around 2 or 3 in the morning on Saturday. I’m guessing the wind was around 70 to 80 mph with stronger gusts. We have a huge pecan tree in our front yard, and I fully expected it to drop a branch through the roof into my master bedroom. We only had 1 branch down in our back yard, and it was a small one. I saw no sign of debris flying around. There was very little rain.

The hardest thing we had to endure was sitting in a hot, dark house with nothing to do, and no way of seeing on TV what the storm was doing. I couldn’t wait for the sun to come up just so I could get up and get out of the house. There was a curfew in effect from dusk to dawn. Everything had wound down by the time the sun came up, so we were in the car by 7:00 a.m.

Next time, I’ll leave just so I won’t have to do without air conditioning or TV.

STILL WAITING

2008-09-12T17:35:00.000-05:00

5:30 p.m. Friday, September 12, 2008

So far, not much has happened here today. The wind is blowing a little bit stronger, but intermittently. It has showered lightly a couple of times. Our city has issued a curfew from dusk to dawn, in anticipation of the idiots who would take advantage of an abandoned town in order to steal and loot. I’m not sure how many people stayed here rather than evacuate, but I’ve seen quite a few people out and about in town. The eye of IKE is still about 50 miles out from land, though the outer bands have already begun making landfall.

All day there has been footage on TV about the rising water in Surfside and Galveston. It began to rise quickly early this morning, and has continued throughout the day, still hours ahead of landfall. The enormous size of this storm means it is pushing a huge amount of water ahead of it onto land. Surfside is underwater. Bluewater highway is underwater. Galveston Island is slowly being flooded. This morning the waves were crashing into the seawall and spraying up into the air up to 50 feet. As the water bounced back off of the wall, it met the next wave coming in, and gave the appearance of the water boiling. Huge amounts of debris is washing up onto the seawall, made up of trash, seaweed, wood from the piers, pilings, stairways, etc. Piers have been destroyed. I feel sorry for the fools who chose to stay in their home on that island and ride the storm out. They will likely end up dead, or stranded in their attic or roof, with no means of rescue.

We weren’t able to get as much ice as I’d have liked. Only one store is open in town today, and has limited ice to 1 bag per person. So hopefully we won’t lose power for too long. When we do, there will be no means of preparing any cooked meals. We didn’t make too many preparations for this storm, except for batteries and flashlight and water. I wish we had a propane cook-stove, a small charcoal grill, maybe a propane lantern. For sure some plywood for the windows.

Right now we’re watching for our outdoor cat to come around so we can scoop him up and bring him inside for the night. He’s never been inside, and more than likely will act crazy, but I don’t want him outside in those strong winds and torrential rain. I don’t believe any animal should be left outside to weather a hurricane, and especially not left behind when the family evacuates. It’s just not right when they can do nothing to help themselves.

I’ll be sitting here waiting…

Patti

WATCHING AND WAITING

2008-09-12T06:33:00.001-05:00

6:30 a.m. Friday, September 12, 2008

It seems that Hurricane IKE has weakened a little bit, and shifted a little to the east, which means we are no longer going to be on the “dirty” side. Therefore, we have decided to stay home and ride out the storm. We spent yesterday afternoon bringing all of the plants inside, storing the garbage cans in the shed, and securing everything that could become airborne. This afternoon we began packing some clothes, food, etc and gathering what we would need to take our pets with us. With 3 dogs and 3 cats, it seems a very big undertaking.

We actually did locate a place to go to in New Braunfels, but with the animals, it would still be difficult. I said all along that I would ride it out as long as it wasn’t any worse than a category 3. Right now, it is a category 2, however it is extremely large. It covers just about the whole of the Gulf of Mexico. That is going to cause the storm surge to be much larger than what would normally be expected for a category 2 or 3. We are far enough inland to not have to worry about the storm surge reaching us. Our concern will be that we are sandwiched between 2 rivers, which could potentially cause our town to be an island if both rivers rise too much. I am hoping for the best case scenario to happen.

So for now, we are at home on Friday morning, listening to the updates on TV, and waiting for the first bands of rain and wind to begin today. Supposedly it will begin around noon, and gradually worsen as the day progresses, with the eye crossing land around 1 or 2 in the morning Saturday, slightly to the east of where we live. I’ll update as long as I can until we lost power.

Hurricane IKE is coming!

2008-09-12T05:23:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks like we're not going to manage to avoid IKE coming right at us. I was really hoping to sit right here and ride it out, but it seems that it might not be safe to do so. So now, I am looking for somewhere we can go to and take our animals with us. We're kind of broke right now, so we can't rent a motel room. Most wouldn't take the animals anyway, and I'm sure they are all booked up. So keep us in your prayers that we find somewhere to escape to, and that our house doesn't sustain any damage from the wind and stuff flying around.

When You Have To Let Go

2008-09-01T17:21:00.004-05:00

This is a blog written by my friend Colleen:

A young and dear friend of mine lost a teenage friend of hers this past week and is learning how to deal with loss, grief and the sense of something just not being right. In an email to her I shared some of the following but I have modified it for others to understand and have left out the name of the precious friend she is still saying good bye to.

(Please take a moment to pray for those who've had to bury a child way before the normal sequence of life has been fulfilled, tragically, slowly, through war, accidents, disease, etc. ..Pray for those who are friends to them and do not yet understand the bitter feelings of loss and grief.)

When my son died, he, Ian was wearing a seatbelt. It did not save his life. They are designed to HELP save lives. They are not a guarantee. They have to be worn properly and fitted and most of us do not do this. Ian was laying down with the seat reclined...he slid right out of it!

One of the precious gifts that was given to me when Ian died, was the gift that gave me the ability to understand, to really open my heart and "hear", a way to talk, grieve, counsel and communicate with others who are grieving over a child who's sudden death has changed everything forever.

It's not fair and it's not in the right order and we have to learn to accept, and keep going.

(for example:)

When Ian had been gone for about 8 months and we were cleaning out his room of some of the things that were special, we came across a train set and we asked the giver of this set if he wanted it back. He said no, so we asked my father (a train collecter) if he would care to have it and after hanging up on me several times, I could not understand what the problem was. Months later, my father told me what was happening in his mind;

he said, "A grandfather should leave things to his grandchild, not a grandchild leaving things to his grandfather"

This broke my heart but it taught me something else about the timing and the sense of devastation at all levels of the family. There is a normal order of things and when a child passes, it is not normal and therefore much harder to accept.

Those are the two hardest parts...

Accepting and Keep Going

...accepting that you won't be setting a place on the dinner table, or buying the same number of tickets at the football game or seeing a graduation you looked forward to all your life or having a daughter in law, or grandbabies...

...accept....keep going....there are so many others that are counting on the parents strength, especially if there are other siblings to ____....

...accept...they will never again call you to pick them up from a friends house, or ask to borrow the keys, or .....

...accept...that every night when you walk past their bedroom, you will have to look inside just for comfort, you will smell their clothes, you will cry, you will hurt, you will grieve...

...accept....that you will go to visit them every chance you can at the cemetary for many months, years even.

...to keep going, simply means that you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going FORWARD...

...as painful as it seems, it will take you out of the depression and denial of a loved one we've had to bury...

...to keep going...means that you have to learn to live with the pain and cherish the memories, the love and the life that once was....

...to keep going...you have to believe you will see the person/child/friend/parent again in heaven...God has promised us that...

...To keep going....you have to let the person go and live the life that you still have in front of you to the very best of your ability...

...to keep going and accept what has happened is not easy but necessary...

...to keep going and to accept a loss of this magnitude will linger in your heart forever in the hole that was left behind....

We can and do and will survive.....I know this may not help any, but I would ask that you share it with any family so that they can/will have hope...

...hope that tomorrow they can actually breath, that they can eat and not feel guilty, that they can smile and know that their child is watching everything they do...

...to wake on a new day and know that all things are in the right place and time according to God's will. It's not fair but it is God's will and accepting that HE does not make bad things happen but he does allow them to happen is hard as well. (I have a very long story that goes with that sentence but I'll spare you.

Their child will long be remembered by all of his/her friends and all of his/her family and those memories will live forever in your hearts. That is an awesome legacy for someone whom we've had to let go of.

On that note, please tell the family this for me:

"My son died, but he is not lost! I know exactly where he is!" He lives with Christ at a new address but he is NOT LOST~

~ I DID NOT LOSE HIM, HE FOUND GOD~

I know losing a friend can be devastating but just to be prayerful for the time that will come for the family in about 4 weeks when everyone goes back to work, or back to "their" normal, this family will not have a "normal" for a year or so.

Wow, I didn't know I had that much to say but there is still more so I'm off of here before I write a book on grief!

©Colleen Cooper 9-01-08

Go here to see original post by Colleen.

Love you Colleen!!!

Breaking Free Update

2008-08-25T02:44:00.001-05:00

I am patting myself on the back:

I'VE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR 7 MONTHS!!!!!!!!

And I am so very proud of myself! I feel so good. You can do it too! Go for it!

I'd Rather Do It Myself

2008-08-21T03:25:00.001-05:00

I consider myself a pretty independent person, especially when it comes to tackling a project I want to get done. I've learned how to do quite a lot of stuff by myself just by digging in and doing it. There's usually no one else around to help me, and I just learn as I go. I get a lot of info from the internet on how to do stuff, and I've done pretty well. I think I can fix more around the house than my husband can. Now I'm not saying that it's because I know more, but maybe it's because I'm there more.

One thing I absolutely hate is when I start a project and get to a spot that I just can't do by myself. Usually it's because it takes someone with more strength than I have. I am a self-professed control freak and perfectionist, and I want to do everything myself, so I know it's done to my satisfaction. So - I HATE it when I have to ask for help, especially from my husband.

He LOVES it when I have to ask for help, as far as being able to display his expertise. He HATES it when I ask for help, because he KNOWS that I will immediately begin criticizing his technique. I usually have to do this because he never will just do what it is I'm asking him to do. When I need help, I tell him specifically what it is I need him to do for me. He then proceeds to tell me how he thinks it ought to be done. I usually end up getting really pissed at him, and yelling at him to please just do it the way I'm asking, because that's the way I want it done. If he says anything else, I just take the tool or whatever away from him, put on my pissy face, and say "fine, I'll just do it myself." It always works. He immediately gets it done my way.

I don't really mean to be hateful about it. It just happens that way. I know it's wrong, because most women don't have a man that is as willing to help his wife as mine is. I'm truly grateful for him and his willingness. It's just that my perfectionist, control-freak demons take over me, and I just want it done my way.

After he gets started doing it my way, and we're getting the job done together, my mood improves, and I start being nice again. At this point I am actually enjoying working together and accomplishing something.

It's something I've got to work on - learning to control my temper and showing him that I am grateful for his help.

Beauty in Brokenness

2008-08-20T15:14:00.002-05:00

(1)Christianity Today, (July 2007, vol. 51, Number 7), 30.
Author: Margaret Manning

Recently, I attended a retreat where there was a great deal of personal sharing. I sat amazed as I listened to women from every walk of life, most of whom were established Christians, share of heartache, pain, and various aspects of struggle they had either just come through, or were currently experiencing. I was overwhelmed by their honesty and by the poignancy of their stories. But even more than this, I was overwhelmed by the beauty radiating from within as they shared their stories.

Beauty in brokenness? Without glorifying suffering, there is an unexpected beauty that can shine through stories of struggle. One friend is a paraplegic broken in the use of her body, and yet she has a beautiful spirit. Not limited by her brokenness, she uses her own difficulties to help others, and teach others about true ability and disability. Tony Snow, former White House Press Secretary, considered his cancer a "calling" and in a recent article written in Christianity Today said, "We are fallen. We are imperfect. Our bodies give out. But despite this--because of it-–God offers the possibility of salvation and grace."(1) That possibility of salvation and grace is beauty in brokenness.

Somehow, uniquely, God desires to use those difficult moments of our lives to bring forth something extraordinarily beautiful. Even the natural creation attests to this truth. In fall, we marvel at the gorgeous, lush colors of burnt amber, burnished orange, brilliant red, and bright yellow leaves, even as that beauty belies the slow and gradual death of those leaves. Winter buries those leaves under the cold, dark blanket of snow and frost. And yet, death brings forth life. Spring bursts forth year after year with jonquils, iris, lilies, and all the beautiful pastels of new life.

During a time of deep despair and suffering, King David wondered about God's ability to be present in his dark places--to bring about beautiful redemption in the midst of brokenness. He cried out to God, "Will your loving kindness be declared in the grave, your faithfulness in Abaddon? Will your wonders be made known in the darkness? And your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?" (Psalm 88:11-12). David wondered about God's work in his life--had he been abandoned? Was God still guiding him even in the deepest, darkest places of brokenness and fear? And even in those places seemingly forgotten, would God continue to make things right? David struggled to see how beauty could emerge out of brokenness. And yet, he later affirmed in Psalm 139, "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there... if I say, 'surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." It is in those dark places of brokenness and suffering that God brings forth luminous light so that even the dark is illuminated.

The prophet Isaiah repeats this theme by promising one who would redeem the exiles, giving them "a garland of beauty instead of ashes" and "the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord... who summons you by name" (Isaiah 61:3, 45:3). Perhaps, these were Scriptures recalled by the apostle Paul when he declared that "we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body" (2 Corinthians 4:7-9). Indeed, Paul declares that "the God who said, 'Light shall shine out of darkness,' is the one who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ" (4:6). And so often, that face of Christ is demonstrated with beautiful radiance through the broken and dark places in our lives.

Today, if you are experiencing hardship, difficulty or personal darkness, seek the light and beauty of Christ, for he longs to be present to you, to give you a garland of beauty instead of ashes, to call you by name, and to bring forth treasures of darkness. He is there in the brokenness with you.

Margaret Manning is associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.

(1)Christianity Today, (July 2007, vol. 51, Number 7), 30.
Author: Margaret Manning

Changes

2008-08-10T04:26:00.000-05:00

My mother moved to an independent living center 1 month ago. She did this for several reasons, some good and some bad. My father passed away in 2005. Momma has ALWAYS been the security for everyone in this family. None of us could ever imagine life without her, especially since Daddy's been gone. She turned 80 this past year, and it's hard to see her beginning to age, and to show her age. She's always been so young at heart, healthy, and on the go. In the last year she seems to have slowed down alot. Many days she doesn't feel well, but isn't sure what's wrong. The upkeep of the house became too much for her, and I guess she needed a quieter, easier life. It has totally rocked our world. How is it that seemingly overnight so much has changed?

My family has moved into her house this week. I've spent a month working on things in the house, painting, shampooing carpets, etc. We got everything into the house yesterday, but it's all in a shambles. Our bed is finally set up, and we managed to get the couches somewhat arranged. I've been going non-stop for the last month with packing Momma up, moving her, packing my stuff up, moving into the house, and cleaning the old place. I've sweated enough you'd think I'd have lost about 20 lbs. The humidity has been really high here. Going outside feels like a sauna, but you sweat indoors too if you're working.

I'm really, really tired! I really, really miss my mother. Change is hard. There's still more change to come, but I'm not going to go into that right now. There's always good that comes with bad, and bad that comes with good. I hope I'm learning whatever it is I need to be learning from this change.

My Restless Leg Syndrome has really been acting up lately, and has been worse with all the physical activity I've been doing. I'm not sleeping well, usually only for 3 or 4 hours at a time. Than I have to get up and move around. I sometimes have to lay down during the day for a couple hours to make up for lost sleep. I think I need to get a new plan of treatment for this thing before I go crazy.

Moving

2008-08-08T15:17:00.000-05:00

I moved out of an apartment and into a house this week. I own this house, as I have inherited it from my mother. I will not miss the horrific odors coming through the vents. I will not miss the bratty kids beating on my door at 7:00 in the morning. I will not miss the jerks who park 1 foot away from my car door, and especially not the ones who park in my parking place. I will not miss the constant arguing that goes on in one apartment or another, that usually ends up in out in the courtyard. I will not miss the freaks who sit and stare at me when I walk my dog. I will not miss the banging of the headboard against my bedroom wall when the neighbors have sex, and especially not the howling and screaming that accompanies it. I will not miss the putting off of repairs to my air conditioner, that have caused my electric bill to skyrocket while I sit in a 78 degree living room for the past 2 months. This will be my absolute last move, and I will never live in an apartment again.

It seems I'm falling...

2008-07-26T17:16:00.002-05:00

I know I have been mostly absent from blogging and posting anything lately. There is SOOOOO much going on in my life right now, I just need to get done with some stuff and then I'll be back to normal. A lot of changes are taking place, and I'm taking care of some business, and dealing with some stuff. I'll be back soon. Know that I'm thinking of all my friends -those online and in real life. I'll explain more later in a blog.

Dressed To Kill

2008-06-30T03:42:00.001-05:00

Here is my entry for week 17 of Blogophilia

Week 17 Topic: Dressed To Kill
bonus points
(hard, 2 points): incorporate a power failure
(easy, 1 point): mention one of the planets

Final day to post: June 30, midnight GMT.

She started getting ready early Saturday morning. It was to be a very special night. Her husband would be home early, and they would be going to a very important social event with her colleagues. He’d never attended anything with her before, and he had promised this night would be special. She had picked up the sexiest of all black dresses earlier that week, and it was hanging in her dressing room waiting to be put on.

She awoke early, and began the long process of getting ready, wanting everything to be perfect for this long anticipated night. She hoped to capture his attention, because lately she had begun suspecting that there was someone else in the picture, and she feared that this other woman would win his heart if she didn’t do something. First thing she did was go to her very reliable hairdresser. Her hair was almost to her waist, and she insisted it be cut off very short. After much arguing and pleading, her hairdresser agreed. The cut came out looking fabulous, very short and chic. She then went for her manicure and pedicure at the local spa. After 2 hours of relaxation, she met a close friend for lunch.

As they sat and ate, she talked about her nervousness about the upcoming night. Her friend insisted it would go well. She’d seen the dress on her, and insisted it was VERY sexy. She loved the new hairdo. He would be smitten. She certainly hoped so, because she felt this might be her last chance to get this marriage turned around in the right direction.

After returning back home, she bathed and put her robe on. She sat looking at the dress, and wondering if it would be the miracle worker that she hoped. She knew it looked good on her. Soon she began carefully applying her makeup. Everything had to be perfect. Makeup in place, she pulled on one long stocking, and then the other. Then the slip. Next, the beautiful dress went over her head and fell perfectly into place. She slipped the black stiletto heels on and turned to face the mirror. She hardly recognized herself, such a dramatic transformation had taken place. She was a Venus, and he would not be able to resist her. Looking at her watch, she knew her husband would be coming through the door any moment now. It was almost 5:00 p.m. and they were due to leave at 6:00 p.m. in order to arrive at the gathering by 7:00 p.m.

She sat carefully on the couch to wait. It was so very hard to be patient. She felt like she was 16 and waiting for a date to pick her up. The clock was moving so slowly. But it really wasn’t, because here it was already 6:00 and he still wasn’t home! Suddenly, the lights went out. There must be some kind of power failure, because all the neighbor’s lights were out too. She hoped he would arrive soon. It seemed that his work ALWAYS came before their relationship. She often told him he was married to his job. Where was he? What if he didn’t show up? After all the work she put into getting herself ready!

She sat in the dark and waited. When the clock finally neared 7:00 p.m. she knew he wasn’t coming. What good would it do now? After all, it started at 7:00 p.m. and they would be so late if they left even now. Where could he be? What if he was with her? She began to get angry, thinking about how important this night was to her, and how inconsiderate he was being. He could have at least called if he knew he was going to run late! Wasn’t it always this way though? The longer she sat, the more she convinced herself that he was somewhere with her, because there was certainly no one at his place of employment this time of night. She wasn’t important to him! How dare he stand her up when he promised! And how could he be so heartless as to stand her up in order to be with that other woman! She didn’t deserve that!

Here she sat, dressed to kill, with no place to go. But then again…. She walked into the bedroom and opened the drawer of her nightstand. Very carefully she lifted out the gift that her husband had given her a couple of years ago. It was a Colt Detective Special, and it fit so nicely in her hand. Yes, this would do perfectly. She was dressed to kill, so that is exactly what she planned to do…

The Stranger

2008-06-27T02:18:00.002-05:00

THE STRANGER

I feel like I don't even know myself anymore.
A stranger is all I see.
I don't recognize the person I've become.
Someone that I don't want to be.

My emotions so unpredictable,
They change so rapidly.
Up and down, left and right,
I don't know who to be.

I lash out at the ones I love,
I yell and scream and rage.
At time I feel I'm going crazy,
Just lock me in a cage.

I know I push you away from me,
I really don't know why.
So now I am so afraid that
Your love for me will die.

This anger has overtaken me,
It spirals out of control,
I feel it's force within me,
As it envelops and takes hold.

How do I break free,
From these chains that hold me tight.
I feel that I am drowning,
How do I make it right.

I don't want to be held hostage,
By the emotions that I feel.
I want to taste the joy of life,
I want it to seem real.

Please help me to feel normal,
To have control over my life.
I can't go on like this,
I have to end this strife.

Copyright June 2008 Patti Phillips

Blessed

2008-06-20T02:05:00.001-05:00

A few years ago a good friend of mine brought this song to my attention, and explained why it was important to her. The song is called “Blessed” by Elton John. Read the lyrics and then I’ll explain some stuff.

Blessed

Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed

I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed

And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed

I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed

Now this song was written from the point of view of a father about his unborn child. My friend loved this song because she thought of her daughter who was born with cerebral palsy and mental retardation. She would never, walk, talk, or learn. She would never be able to hug her mother. However, she was capable of love. She could feel love for her mother, and she could feel her mother’s love for her. It was her mother’s dream that she could someday see her child walk and talk and be able to have a conversation with her. To see her grow up and marry and have children. But yet she knew that would never be. Her daughter lived on this earth for 14 years, and I believe that her life, to her, was blessed. She is undoubtedly blessed now, in heaven, with her Creator.

After my friend explained why she loved this song, I have not been able to listen to it without getting tears in my eyes as I think of all that we are blessed with, yet we fail to see it. Life gets us down, and all we can think of is “poor me“. Just as Elton John sings of the love that a parent has for his unborn child, we should remember that we have a God who loves us unconditionally, and he truly wants the best for us. We fail to see the blessings that are before us every day.

Sometimes it seems that we are dealing with our every-day battles all by ourselves. It seems that no one cares about us, and that God is far away from us. But He isn’t. His blessings are still there upon our lives, we just fail to see them. He still has His hand on our lives, and on our future. His plan for our lives goes back to before we were ever born, and He will not release us from His hands. Whatever happens in our lives, it happens because it is what we need, even if it’s something we do not want. God planned every detail of our lives, our bodies, our words. He knew us before we were born! How can we not see just how incredibly blessed we are? Just as God has promised us, we will be blessed - we are blessed!

Dreamer

2008-06-19T16:06:00.001-05:00

I love this quote from the movie "Dreamer" spoken by Cale of her race horse:

"You are a great champion. When you ran the ground shook. The sky opened and mere mortals parted. Parted the way to victory. Where you will meet me in the winner's circle. Where I will lay a blanket of flowers on your back."

Brianna's Donation to Locks of Love

2008-06-02T19:28:00.001-05:00

Brianna has been nagging me for a couple of years to let her get her hair cut shorter. We’ve been growing her hair out since she was a toddler, and she is now 10 years old. I was so proud of her long hair, so I kept telling her no. After listening to her cry and yell every time I brushed her hair out, I decided it was time to let her do what she wanted with her hair. She told me she wanted to donate the hair to Locks of Love. We had been looking at the website that showed picture of the kids with no hair wearing their new wigs that were made from donations. She was intrigued, and wanted to help. So I reluctantly made a hair appointment for her. She had no second thoughts at all.

Here, the ponytail is getting cut off.

Holding up her cut off ponytail that will be donated. (before the hair is cut and styled) See how crooked her hair looks? That’s because she tipped her head to the side when Liz cut the ponytail off.

I can’t believe I’m doing this! (as Mom wipes a tear)

I think I’m gonna like this!

Putting on the final touches. She wanted Liz to style her hair with a flip.

The hairstylist Liz, and Brianna, holding her donation to Locks of Love. I told Brianna "Maybe I can just take the ponytail home and put it in the memory box." She told me "No, there are kids that need it. You can’t take it."

Before the haircut - my beautiful girl.

After the haircut - stylin’!!!!

If you are interested in donating to Locks of Love, visit this website:

This Is How It Is

2008-06-02T19:27:00.001-05:00

I'm finally back in WC, and I do not want to leave here again. I've moved away from WC 2 or 3 times, and I missed my family and friends so darn much. I know that some people dream of growing up and leaving their hometown, never to return again. I've never been that way. It about killed me to leave home and go to college. I've been through alot of difficult times in my adult life, and I've learned to value the relationships that I have with those that I care about. They hold me up when I am weak; they cheer me up when I am sad; they encourage me when I am discouraged; they give me strength when I am afraid. Someone is always there for me, in one way or another. I love all of you. I hope that I can be for you, whatever it is you need from me.

Decisions

2008-06-02T19:23:00.000-05:00

Sometimes life's decisions are so hard to make. How do you know whether or not you're making the right one? You weigh all the options, and think you have the answer, and then all these other doubts come into play. Your heart is telling you one thing, but then your mind starts going and you're all confused again.

Whether the choice is the right one or the wrong one, there's always something to be learned from it. Even when it is painful. Live and learn! No regrets!

Blessings

2008-06-02T19:19:00.000-05:00

This is a most powerful presentation. Please take time to click on the following link and view it. You will be truly blessed.

We Send You Our Blessings

Favorite Holiday Candy

2008-06-02T19:10:00.003-05:00

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE HOLIDAY CANDY?

You know those yummy candies that you can only get on certain holidays? What are your favorites?

Mine are:

Valentines:
sweet hearts

St Patrick’s Day:
gold chocolate coins

Easter:
reeses’s peanut butter eggs

sugar eggs

Halloween:
candy corn/pumpkins

Christmas:
ribbon candy

big peppermint sticks

White-chocolate dipped oreos

chewy peppermints

When I Reach the Place I'm Going

2008-06-02T19:04:00.001-05:00

by Wynonna

When I reach the place I'm goin'
I will surely know my way
And I will turn and look inside me
And bid farewell to one more day

Every light begins with darkness
Every flower is once a seed
And with the sun and wind to test us
We are bound to be released

I will fly beyond this valley
I will open up the gate
And when I reach the place I'm goin'
I will surely know my way

We have hands to hold our sorrow
We have tears to heal the pain
And though your eyes ask many questions
On your lips I hear my name

I was born without a whisper
I was born beneath the rain
But when I reach the place I'm goin'
I will surely know my way
I will surely know my way

Behind Closed Doors

2008-06-02T18:55:00.000-05:00

(repost)

This is my entry for week 6 of Blogophilia

Blogophilia Week 6:
Topic: Clairvoyance Experiment
Bonus points (hard, 2 points): Include a commode planter in the front yard.
Bonus points (easy, 1 point): Reference a hockey movie.

It was late in the evening, and I really wasn't expecting any visitors when I heard something in the yard. I went to the front window and looked out. There was a little girl in a long flowing gown sitting on the commode planter in the front yard. I went out the front door to investigate.

As I approached her, she stood up and asked if she could play with "that little girl who lives here." She appeared to be around 4 years old, and was wearing some sort of costume. She looked like a little princess with her gown, long curls hanging down her back, a tiara perched on her head. 'It's kind of late for you to be out playing alone. Where are your parents?" She just looked at the ground. "What is your name?" Nothing.   "Are you lost?" Again, nothing.

Becoming increasingly concerned, I asked her to come inside. She stood up, clutching a video tape titled "Miracle" in her hand, and a teddy bear to her chest. "I've seen the little girl who lives here.   I just wanted to play with her." "Well that's my daughter, but she is already in bed. I would think you would be in bed by now. Where do you live?" "Not far," she replied.     I continued to try to get some kind of information out of her as to who she was or where her parents were. She didn't want to tell me anything. She looked like she hadn't had a bath in a while, and acted nervous, or afraid of something. I wondered what had happened to her.

"Let's go for a ride, ok?" She took my hand and followed me to the car. I'd already decided I didn't want to be accused of kidnapping or anything like that, so I headed straight for the hospital, calling to ask a police officer to meet me there. Once we arrived, she was reluctant to go in, but I assured her I would stay with her the whole time.   As they were taking blood samples for various tests, and taking x-rays, a police officer talked with me outside the door of her exam room. I explained how she turned up at my house.   It seemed the hospital personnel were acquainted with her, as they had quite a long record of previous visits. Child protective services had already been called in, because the parents were under suspicion of child abuse and negligence. At the time, they were nowhere to be found, so I agreed to stay with her. After the first round of bloodwork failed to show anything abnormal, another set of tests were run. It seemed that a hospital employee with a quick, intuitive knowledge of things and people (clairvoyance), had uncovered an interesting piece of information in questioning the girl. She told them that her mother gave her shots that would make her be a good girl. ?????   WTF?

It seemed that the mother had been injecting her with human feces. The mother had a disease called Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy. People with this syndrome often injure their children in order to gain attention and sympathy. They will create symptoms of medical illness in the child, and then seek medical attention. This is a character-disordered parent who finds the drama of the "illness" and support of the hospital staff so gratifying, that keeping her child in the "sick role" is more important than realizing the danger and sickness of what she is doing. Sadly, many of these children die before any real proof is gathered.

In this case, the morbid act was discovered before it was too late.    It turned out this family lived just around the corner from our house. You can never tell by looking at someone what really goes on in their home. They appeared to be a normal, happy family to all of the neighbors. The little girl was removed from the home, and charges were filed on the parents.    She is now living a happy, healthy life with a loving family. Her body has healed, but the emotional trauma she has been through will always be with her.

How to Score Points With Your Girlfriend's Mom

2008-06-02T18:54:00.000-05:00

(repost)

Blogophilia Week 4
Topic: You Scored Three Points With That Bullet
Bonus points (hard, 2 points): Reference Occam’s Razor.
Bonus points (easy, 1 point): Incorporate a line from your favorite song.

How To Score Points With Your Girlfriend’s Mom

Michael had never had a girlfriend whose mother liked him. He’d recently begun dating Amanda, and he really, really liked her. It was really important to him to impress her mother, because he thinks he just may marry this girl some day. He came to me asking me for advice on how to score points with Amanda’s mom. He wanted to come up with a list of things he could do to slowly win her over. First, he was going to invite her to go to dinner with he and Amanda. When he arrived to pick them up, he planned to bring her a bouquet of flowers. Once they arrived at the restaurant, he would begin to compliment her looks, telling her how beautiful she looked. Then, he figured he could offer to fix things around the house. The most important thing he felt he could do to impress her would be to stay out of jail. He’d surely score 3 points with that bullet. I told him that Occam’s razor would give him the answer he needed. I explained the definition of Occam’s razor: all other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best. Therefore, he just needed to be respectful and appreciative towards her and her daughter, but not just to score points. Like the Sawyer Brown song says: If you treat her right, show her you care, when you need her she’ll be there. Life is not about tallying up points. It’s about loving others with sincerity and honesty.

Mosquitos

2008-05-30T18:06:00.001-05:00

Someone sent this to me:

Mosquito Spray...Worth a try

I was at a deck party awhile back, and the bugs were having a ball biting everyone.

A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared.

The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes. And voila! That worked as well. It worked at a picnic where we sprayed the area around the food table, the children's swing area, and the standing water nearby. During the summer, I don't leave home without it.....Pass it on.

I haven't actually tried this yet, but I'm going to. It sounds pretty good.

Who Really Knows the Answer?

2008-05-30T02:48:00.004-05:00

This is my entry for Blogophilia Week 13

Week 13 Topic: Who Really Knows The Answer?
bonus points:
(hard, 2 points): use the phrase "six at the price of one"
(easy, 1 point): use the phrase "bane of my existence"

There are many questions in our lives that we never really know the answer to. Sometimes we just have to leave it behind and move on. I’m going to share with you an experience I had in the past. It concerns a problem that I had in my marriage that I never really got an answer to. If you aren’t in the mood to read about real life problems, or to listen to my man-bashing, then move on to the next blog, because this is all I’ve got.

2 years ago my husband and I were separated. He was working in another town, and driving 2 hours one way to and from work. Keep in mind that we were separated because of past infidelities on his part. I was still handling the finances, paying both his bills and mine with our combined income. I started noticing on his phone bill a lot of long phone calls to and from the same phone number. They all took place in the morning while driving to work, or in the evening while driving home. This occurred just about every day.

After seeing the calls on 2 consecutive phone bills, I decided that I would call the number and find out who it was, rather than ask him. I called it and, big surprise, a female answered by the name of Allison. This was the Allison that worked with him out of town. She lived there in the town where he worked. I asked her why she and my husband were spending so much time on the phone together. She said that she was still learning her job, and he was explaining stuff to her about the job. Whatever, I’ll just bet he was. I told her I didn’t think it was appropriate, and that I would appreciate it if all future learning would take place on the job, while on the clock, not after hours. Of course, don’t think for a minute that I believed her lame-ass excuse for the phone calls. She apologized and said she would never want to cause problems in my marriage, she was oh so sorry, and would not be calling his cell phone anymore. Hah!

When I questioned him about the calls, he gave me the same excuse. Of course, she may have, and probably did, call him and give him the heads up. (no pun intended) He promised the calls would stop, and he would do all further “instructing” during the workday, rather than after work. By the way, this man’s motto is “tell them what they want to hear” and “that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”

Of course, the calls continued for the next 2 months. The only difference was that they were all incoming from her, but not outgoing from him. That was probably just a scheme on his part to pacify me. Of course he says he can’t help it if she keeps calling him. Can he not help it when his lame-ass hand picks up the phone and says hello? I told him he better take care of it or I would be paying her a visit. He promised he would tell her to stop calling. Now why do us women always want to threaten the other woman when it’s really our man who is to blame?

Now this skanky woman, and I’m not exaggerating here, had become, basically, the bane of my existence. I hated her with a passion. I felt that if it were not for women like her, there wouldn’t be near as many affairs going on. Sike! Again - it’s men like him that are the real cause of the affairs - because THEY ARE THE MARRIED ONES! This woman was single, in her early 20’s, still lived with Mom and Dad. She wasn’t anything special to look at. Kind of short and dumpy. However, when it comes to flirting, compliments, praising, listening, sympathy, and promises of “what I can do for you“, most men are not real picky as to what a women looks like. They just love the attention as their egos swell to vast proportions. This is the type of woman who just loved to make references to BJ’s, and other things of a sexual nature, just to get a guy’s mind on that sort thing while he’s talking to her. I’m sure she promised him “six at the price of one“ as she bragged about her abilities in that area. Again, I hated her with a passion.

To make a long story short - I never actually confronted her. After those 2 months had passed, the calls stopped altogether. After some more time had passed, he had moved us with him to that town. He came home from work to me every evening. I came face to face with her a couple times at his job, and she had the nerve to smile and hold out her hand for me to shake. Of course I didn’t. I just turned and walked away. She wasn’t worth my time. She eventually quit the job and moved with her parents to Hawaii. Poor thing. She just couldn’t make it living on her own. Aloha!

As for him, he promised that nothing ever happened between them. I didn’t believe it then, and I don’t believe it now. The problem was resolved on it’s own by her moving away. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t guilty, because he was. Guilty of SOMETHING - even if it was just inappropriateness, though it was probably more, but maybe not EVERYTHING.

Who really knows the answer? I know that I will never know. I choose to not dwell on it for now. I believe that a cheater will eventually cheat again. I hope not, but it is highly likely. I will never fully trust again. I choose to live my life with my eyes wide open.

Wormholes

2008-05-26T01:34:00.003-05:00

This is my entry for week 12 of Blogophilia.

Week 12 Topic: This Is The New "Hip"
bonus points (hard, 2 points): reference the Einstein-Rosen bridge
bonus points (easy, 1 point): include purple legwarmers

Final day to post: May 26, midnight GMT.

I read this week's topic, and I had to google the Einstein-Rosen bridge, because I didn't have any idea what it was. It turns out to be the same thing as a wormhole - a tunnel connecting two universes. Some brilliant physicists developed this idea. Most normal people like me don't think that way. I was surprised to find out how many people knew what a wormhole was. Maybe it is the new "hip" to appear to be genius? I don't know, but the only "hip" I can relate to is wearing purple leg-warmers as a teenager. Anyway, there's something about a black hole that one would enter that would take you to another universe. That hole is the Einstein-Rosen bridge. It supposedly can take you to another universe, and another place in time.

Here's a humorous poem I found that perfectly sums it up:

There was a young lady named Bright

Who traveled much faster than light

She set out one day

In a relative way

And returned on the previous night

by A.H. Reginald Buller

Physics was not my favorite class. I totally do not understand all the mumbo jumbo terms and theories about this whole wormhole thing:
theory of relativity, black holes, the Reissner-Nordstrom black hole, the Kerr black hole, the Schwarzschild black hole, cosmic censorship conjecture, hyperspace, cosmological physics, quantum gravity, quantum mechanics, energy density, etc.

I can relate to a wormhole being something like the hole that Alice in Wonderland chased the rabbit down into.

Here's some of the scientific renditions of a wormhole:

This looks like some kind of listening device,

What's the significance of a bee entering another universe?

This just looks like some kind of modern, fancy tiled floor with a circular stairwell going upstairs.

boobies?

Maybe a colorful pedestal of some kind.

This just looks like DNA to me.

And this looks like one of those sea anemone creatures.

Or a weird looking mushroom.

This reminds me of those space weather thingies.

This one looks like an air filter.

Another stairwell.

And this is just strange.

I can totally not relate to any of that stuff , and in all reality, it seems a bit scary to me- but this is what I can relate to:
pretty artistic renditions of the wormhole - I like these much better.

And my favorite of all:

Images In The News - May 23, 2008

2008-05-24T02:01:00.000-05:00

A Zimbabwean man takes refuge at the Milnerton police station after fleeing a fresh outbreak of anti-foreigner violence in Cape Town, South Africa, May 22, 2008.

REUTERS/Mark Wessels

Spanish assistant bullfighter lies on the arena next to a bull during a bullfight at Maestranza bullring in Seville May 22, 2008.

REUTERS/Marcelo Del Pozo

People displaced by Cyclone Nargis line up by their tents for United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon at a refugee camp in Kyondah village, Myanmar May 22, 2008. Ban Ki-Moon is on a tour to view conditions in Cyclone Nargis damaged areas and to meet with Myanmar government officials.

REUTERS/Stan Honda

President George W. Bush kisses Erika Wyckoff, wife of Sergeant Charles Wyckoff, after she received her husband's posthumous Distinguished Service Cross for extraordinary heroism in action during a division review ceremony at Fort Bragg, home of the 82nd Airborne, in North Carolina May 22, 2008.

REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Palestinians carry a wounded youth near the Karni crossing between the Gaza Strip and Israel May 22, 2008. Israeli soldiers shot and killed one Palestinian and wounded 10 others, medical workers said, after youths taking part in a Hamas rally against Gaza border closures approached Israel's Karni Crossing, medical workers said. An Israeli army spokesman said troops spotted armed men in the crowd, but had no immediate reports of any gunfire.

REUTERS/Mohammed Salem

Paramilitary policemen are disinfected after searching for bodies of victims in the earthquake-affected Dujiangyan, Sichuan province May 21, 2008.

REUTERS/Stringer

A man looks out a window of his home at the wreckage after a tornado hit Greeley, Colorado May 22, 2008.

REUTERS/Bret Hartman

A man looks at a pig walking out from where it sleeps in Taipei May 22, 2008. The sole tenant of 151 Ti-Hua Street, Taipei pays no rent, does no work and won't mind being called a fat pig. She is a 150-kg (330 lb) sow after all. The pig's owner, a middle-aged man who declined to be interviewed, put her up at the tiny, blue-painted hut about two years ago when she got too big to share a living space with humans, neighbours say.

REUTERS/Pichi Chuang

Children play in a dirty pond in the Karamoja region, 700 km (420 miles) northeast of the Ugandan capital Kampala, May 22, 2008.

REUTERS/James Akena

Two cows suffering from malnutrition rest in drought-affected Los Chiles de San Carlos 300 km (187.5 miles) north of San Jose May 22, 2008. Hundreds of families have lost crops and livestock, and been without water, after a prolonged drought in the northern region of Costa Rica forcing the government to declare a national emergency, local media reported on Thursday.

REUTERS/Juan Carlos Ulate

Just Some Random Stuff

2008-05-24T01:57:00.000-05:00

I'm kind of agitated right now. My family frustrates me. Why? Because NO ONE FREAKIN' LISTENS TO ME!! And they wonder why I repeat myself all the time. Any time I have something important to convey to them, I tell them what they need to know, and ask do you hear me? They always say yes, I got it. But what really happens is that when they see my lips moving, they automatically put me on ignore. Then when the crucial moment in time arrives, guess what? They didn't remember what I said, and they need Mom (or wife) to bail them out. Why? They're out to drive me crazy!

Another example - last night after dinner the trash can was sitting there full, just about overflowing. After I washed the dishes I left the can sitting there with the lid open to remind my husband to take it out. Later, when I went in the kitchen, I saw the full trash can still sitting there. So I left it there with the lid up so he'd see it this morning and take it out. But guess what? It's still sitting there!!! I know I'm capable of taking it out, but that's not the point. The point is that it was deliberately ignored.

And what's up with people borrowing stuff from you and never returning it? I hate to go and ask for my stuff back. When they're done using it, why can't they just return it instead of putting it away like it belongs to them?

I live in an apartment right now, and the back door has a drip from the air conditioner that is dripping from under the upstairs eaves right down to the door mat at the back door. Some days it practically pours out of there in a steady stream, so that when I'm trying to unlock the door, I'm getting wet. Not to mention the fact that we always track muddy water inside the house, so I have to mop the tile in that entry every day. How come a little water can be so aggravating?

How about we talk about poop? We have a rule here that dog owners pick up the poop. So how come I have to go on a weekly poop patrol to pick up all of the poop in the courtyard that no one else is picking up? I know - you say just leave it if your dog didn't do it. I can't do that, because kids play out there, and they shouldn't have to be stepping and falling in it.

OK - gripe session over for now. Just needed to vent.

Waiting

2008-05-24T01:55:00.001-05:00

This is my entry for Blogophilia, Week 11

Week 11 Topic: Guess What This Is Supposed To Be
bonus points (hard, 2 points): use two lines from any Beatles song
bonus points (easy, 1 point): use the phrase "Shower Survey"

Waiting

I spent my days alone. Sad. Lonely. Afraid.

My friends didn't know what to say or do.
Everyone told me:
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.

I rejected that notion. Love was the last thing I needed.
I could only guess what that was supposed to be.
The only love I'd ever known wasn't love at all.
It was anger, hatred, breaking me down to nothing.
No thanks, I didn't need any more of that.

I sat in the quietness of my home, waiting…

And then one day you were there.
In my heart.
In my soul, and in my life.

I never knew what I was doing. I wasn't looking for you.
If I cry, it's not because I'm sad.
But you're the only love that I've ever had.
Seems that all I really was doing
Was waiting for love.

Freaks of the Universe

2008-05-24T01:53:00.000-05:00

This is my entry for Blogophilia Week 10

Week 10 Topic: If I Were From Mars
bonus points (hard, 2 points): incorporate a scary raccoon
bonus points (easy, 1 point): use the phrase "aluminum siding"

Final day to post: May 12, midnight GMT.

FREAKS OF THE UNIVERSE

If I were from Mars, I would seriously think that humans were the weirdest species found in all of the earth, the galaxies, and the contents of intergalactic space, regarded as a whole. If you look at some of these pictures of our strange species, I think you would agree with me. Imagine what Marvin the Martian thinks about the likes of us.

Not my kind of fashion statement.

Wonder what he'll look like with his eyelids ripped off?

Surely he didn't choose to do that to himself.

Halloween?

Can you imagine what might be living in there?

Look close - that's his tongue sticking through a hole in his chin.

No metal detectors for her!

Or him!

This is the happy couple's dog.

And this is their dog's girlfriend.

My kind of girl - yay pink!

Look how nice and straight his rows are.

Hmmm - to each his own.

Not sure what species or gender this is - but it sure needs a bath.

Must have some painful hemorrhoids - and I thought he had those tonsils removed when he was a kid?

Yep - he's had one too many.

The local Furries convention .

If you see one of these - never fear!

He's not as scary as this one - but then again...

Purple lizard?

Now those are some hard core sports fans!

I think I'll pass on the gum today!

Now that's got to hurt! Why in the world would he want to do that anyway?

And the point of this is?

oooh - I think he's uber confused.

Strange indeed.

These two seem to REALLY like each other.

There are just no words for this - none at all.

Hope the dude on the left is not skateboarding - he could get some serious road rash.

Now these two just look like mass murderers.

And I know that hurt! Who in their right mind...

Yes - we are a strange species indeed, but -

This - my friends - is the absolute weirdest species I've come across yet - the aluminum siding salesman!

Something Close To My Heart - warning disturbing pictures

2008-05-24T01:50:00.001-05:00

The Many Faces of Hunger

I want to help every one of those hungry souls. I wish I could.

My Daughter Amy Nicole

2008-05-24T00:58:00.001-05:00

I spent some time tonight with my 19 year old daughter Amy. We watched Scrubs and Still Standing together. We straightened each others hair, as we sometimes do. Actually she straightens my hair a whole lot more than I do hers. One night we also polished our toenails and fingernails. Sometimes she helps me cook. We didn't used to make much time to do these things together. I really enjoy my time with her. One day she will leave home and get married. I'll miss her alot. She's not a girl anymore. She's a woman now. The age I was when I got married.

On Relationships

2008-05-22T01:57:00.000-05:00

~~People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

~~When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

~~Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

~~LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

The Woods Out Back

2008-05-21T16:15:00.001-05:00

This is my entry for Blogophilia Week 9

Week 9 Topic: The Woods Out Back

bonus points (hard, 2 points): Include the breaking of Grandma's ugly vase.

bonus points (easy, 1 point): Mention the Moonwalk.

Final day to post: May 5, midnight GMT.

I really planned to get this entry in earlier this week. Those plans got fouled up when my husband was off all weekend. So here goes a hurried, little bit fiction, little bit non-fiction story.

When I was a kid, I always loved going to slumber parties at other people's houses. The best ones were at houses way out in the country, because it was dark and quiet, and we could get by with making lots of noise outside. One party in particular was memorable for me, because it involved playing truth or dare, having a séance, and boys streaking.

There were about 10 of us girls outside, all age 13 or so. We'd already stuffed ourselves with hot dogs, chips, cookies, cokes, and decided to play Truth or Dare. You know the game: if you pick truth, you have to tell a true fact about yourself that nobody knows about; if you pick dare, you have to do whatever somebody dares you to do. You get to learn quite a lot of interesting facts about people, because nobody wants to pick the dare. That usually involves kissing another girl, or going and doing something ignorant in front of the adults or something.

The Truth or Dare game got us brave enough to try having a séance. We sat in a circle and someone began trying to communicate with some dead relative. Now this kind of thing I never believed in, but young girls can come up with all kinds of noises and such to scare themselves with. We were sitting quietly, hoping to hear from the dead, when we heard a crash. A big old ugly vase that belonged to the dear departed Grandma, the very person we were trying to summon, had fallen off of the picnic table right into the middle of our circle! That had me believing a little more in the ability of the dead to communicate with us. Nonetheless, the séance was over.

Just as we were wandering off under the trees, we started hearing whistles from the woods out back. It was too dark to see anything, but we figured it was the boys from school coming to visit, since they knew we would be having a slumber party. We heard a loud whooping, and there came 5 boys running past the end of the barn, naked as a jaybird. They streaked right past us and stopped under the streetlight and did the Moonwalk, all in a row. Then they ran around the other side of the barn and back into the woods. Well, we were screaming, laughing, shocked and kind of awestruck all at the same time. The nerve of them! How could they be so brave to do that in front of us? (But it WAS fun wasn't it?)

We had quite a lot to tell the others at school that Monday, though all the boys denied participating. There was no other slumber party as fun as that one - it was the first time I'd ever seen a boy naked!

When In Rome

2008-05-21T16:11:00.000-05:00

This is my entry for Blogophilia - Week 8.

Week 8 Topic: When In Rome
bonus points (hard, 2 points): Use 3 words that start with the letter Q.
bonus points (easy, 1 point): Mention Komodo Island.

I traveled to Indonesia last year for a scuba diving adventure. There was much beauty to be found among the coral reefs surrounding the islands. We began our adventure at Bali, with the plan to sail downward to Alor, stopping along the way for diving at choice spots. Komodo Island was one of the places we planned to stop at.

While diving there, we decided we would go ashore and explore the island a bit, having heard about it's famous inhabitants. Many people visit Komodo Island because it is one of the world's greatest wildlife regions.

The Komodo dragon is the most famous resident of Komodo Island. These dragons are the largest and fiercest monitor lizards. They are living dinosaurs. They have been extinct except in fossilized form for 130 million years, with the exception of this tiny island chain. Although they do not eat people, they are very deadly, and have been known to attack humans. They have razor sharp teeth. Their bite has enough bacteria to kill over 2000 rodents, so if untreated by a doctor, their bite will kill. Komodo dragons only live in the Komodo Islands. They average 7.5 ft in length, approximately 100 lbs in weight, maximum length 10 feet, and maximum weight 300 lbs. Most of their day is spent lounging in the sun waiting for food to walk by. Once it kills and eats, it goes back into it's hole to sleep. One of the islands, Komodo National Park, has been turned into a komodo dragon reserve.

We left our boat and headed to shore aboard the inflatable dinghies. Having reached the shore, we were given a guide who gave us an introduction to the island.

The region is abounding with mountains, inactive volcanos, rocky ground, and sheer, perpendicular ravines. It is very dry, thorny, and dense. We were warned to never venture off alone, and that women who are menstruating are not allowed to journey out at all. This seemed unlikely, but with a firm belief in the saying, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do," (meaning - adapt to the culture of the places you visit), we therefore decided that he knew best, since he was well qualified for the job.

The dragon has a keen sense of smell, is totally unconfined, and can travel at 18 kilometers per hour. The guide advised us that the long stick he held would repel any dragon advances, unless, of course, the smell of blood was in the air.

Our first destination would be a watering hole at Banunggulung. Dragons were known to frequent the watering hole because of the prey that were always present. We were also warned to be watchful of cobras, as well as other snakes that were common here.

As we walked along with the guide, we heard a terrible crashing noise in the brush. A dragon was there, consuming a deer that he had slaughtered with his huge teeth and jaws.

The guide told us that the dragon will eat everything, even bones and hide. To swallow big chunks of meat, the dragon has movable joints in its skull and jaws that allow the lower jaw to be opened unusually wide. Its throat and jaw muscles allow it to swallow huge chunks of meat rapidly.

They often hunt by what is sometimes called the lurk n' lurch method. They lie hidden along game paths used by animals going to waterholes. When the prey animal passes nearby, the Komodo ambushes it. If the prey is a large animal, the Komodo dragon sinks it's jaws into the leg. When the animal is down, it then goes for the throat and belly. If the prey if small, it goes directly for the throat and belly. It also used it's powerful claws to rip their bellies open.

We continued on to the watering hole, and found several Komono dragons lying around. They seemed unconcerned about our intrusion. We got to observe yet another vicious attack when a pig approached the water.

There was a ferocious struggle, but the pig had no chance. The huge razor sharp teeth had the pig ripped to shreds in a matter of moments. The haunting shrieks and squeals from the pig were eerie. I was quite nervous to be trapped in such a quandary, sitting so near and unable to move. I was all too glad when the guide quickly led us away.

As we arrived back at the pier, we had to purchase souvenirs of our adventures in the quaint souvenir shops. We bought carved dragons, many more than we planned.

We were quite grateful to return to our boat, and leave the Komodo dragons behind.

I Didn't Mean For That To Happen

2008-05-21T15:51:00.002-05:00

This is my entry for Blogophilia Week 7

Week 7 Topic: I Didn't Mean For That to Happen
Bonus points (hard, 2 points): Include a dance in a field of daisies.
Bonus points (easy, 1 point): Mention Dr. Seuss and bananas.

I was out shopping for a new car. I hated doing that. You can never shop for a car without being bugged to death by those squirrelly car salesmen. You know the type.

They're either real pushy about getting you to commit to SOMETHING, or they just flirt and tell you nice things to try and convince you to buy a car. One salesman thought that being a hopeless romantic would work. I'm sure he would have done a dance in a field of daisies to try and convince me that he was the perfect man. Another took it even further in portraying himself as the perfect father - or step-father. He said he would tuck the children into bed at night, and read them Dr. Seuss books. He would feed them a breakfast of sliced bananas and cereal.   Not!!!!!!!! I wasn't looking for a boyfriend or substitute father for my children.

I stopped at the last car lot of the day. I was fed up with looking, and fed up with men, too. I got out of my car with an attitude. As I started walking around the lot looking at cars, here comes the car salesman. Hmmm...dressed nice - not overly aggressive. He asked me what I was looking for, and offered a few suggestions. Said if I saw anything I liked to let him know and he would get the keys for me. That was different.   He just left me alone to look, instead of trying to push certain cars on me. He brought me the keys to a couple of cars, and rode with me on the test drives. We talked about my life, and my situation. For some weird reason, I wasn't feeling the usual repulsion that most car salesmen caused. This guy was really nice! I just may be able to find a car to buy, instead of getting pissed off and leaving with nothing.

I ended up in his office discussing the purchase of a vehicle that I liked. Things were going fine, I wasn't feeling any pressure. THEN he asked me to go with him to the autoshow. There it was. I told him he was just asking me out because he wanted me to buy the car.   He said he wanted to go out whether I bought a car or not. Right... I left the dealership that day without buying a car.

However, I returned the next day, because I really liked the car. I decided I would just put him in his place, get the purchase over with, and go home. I pretty much did that.
But...he called me that night. I'd already purchased the car, so why was he calling me now? He asked me again to go to the autoshow. I figured - what's the harm? He's really not like most car salesmen. One date won't hurt, then I'll be on my way.

I went with him to the car show. He walked with me and held my hand. Afterwards, we went to dinner, then back to my house.   We talked awhile, and he said he was going to go home. I got a nice big hug goodbye - no kiss, or anything else. This man was a gentleman!

We went out a few more times, and you wouldn't believe how this story ends. He is now my husband!!!!! I didn't mean for that to happen. I didn't mean to fall in love with a car salesman. I couldn't help it. He was just so sweet. Besides that, he's not a car salesman anymore. Now he's a Sales Manager. That makes everything all right, because I still despise car salesman.

You Don't Know Me At All

2008-05-21T15:41:00.002-05:00

Blogophilia Week 5:
Topic: You Don’t Know Me At All.
Bonus points (hard, 2 points): incorporate the Pareto Principle.
Bonus points (easy, 1 point): Mention crochet.

YOU DON’T KNOW ME AT ALL

Look at how she smiles, nothing ever gets her down.
She seems so strong and confident.
She’s such a sweet, loving person.
She’s loving herself and her life.
They are such a happy little family.
Her life must be so nice and easy.
Her future looks bright.

These are some of the things that people have said about me. At times, they may be true, but most of the time, they’re not. These observations that people make are based on the mask that they see when they look at me. A dear friend told me one time that we all live behind a mask, and that keeps others from seeing the real us, and all of the pain and dysfunction that we have inside of us.

Most of the people in my life think that they know me. In reality, 80% of those people have only known me for about 20% of my life. That leaves about 34.6 years of my life that they weren’t around for to share in the experiences that made me what I am today.

"Look at how she smiles, nothing ever gets her down." Everything gets me down. I struggle with depression on a daily basis, and even take medication for it. When I am down or upset about something, I never show it to others. I put on that smile, and act like everything is fine. I guess I’m afraid to appear vulnerable.   Smiling helps to cover up the sadness and the fear. It works - it fools others. Inside, I am just sad and lonely.

"She seems so strong and confident." I have no self-confidence at all. I used to. I used to be very confident in myself and in my ability to do things. Somewhere along the way, I lost that confidence. Now I feel so inadequate to do anything. I even feel this way in my job skills - that I have been formally trained to do.    Don’t get me wrong. I know what I need to do, and I do it efficiently and accurately. I just feel like I’m not. People compliment my abilities, and I feel better briefly. But not for long. Inside, I just feel like an idiot.

"She’s such a sweet, loving person." If you only knew. I lash out at my family when I am frustrated. I make them feel like they’ve done something wrong. I am intolerant of their mistakes and weaknesses, knowing all along that I am just as imperfect.   I’m ashamed to admit that when I am angry, I have a potty mouth. I’m not always like this. Just when I am upset or angry about something. There are many days that I am sweet and loving even at home. Outside of the confines of my famiy, I almost always appear to be a sweet, loving person. But on the inside, I am just suppressing my anger and bitterness.

"She’s loving herself and her life." There aren’t very many days at all that I love myself, though I am trying. I’ve let life’s circumstances affect me in a negative way, starting way back in my childhood, and all the way up to now. I’ve let other’s words and actions affect how I feel about myself. Most days I loathe myself. I hate how I look. I hate how I act. I hate my body. I hate my weaknesses. I feel that I am worthless, and unworthy of love. When I am around others I feel that my physical faults are magnified. I think that everyone sees me as a frumpy, overweight nobody. Not much to like about a life spent feeling like that. I may appear to love myself, but on the inside, I hate myself.

"They are such a happy little family." "Her life must be so nice and easy." Again, if you only knew. We may appear to be happy and normal, but there are so many problems hiding under the surface. Years of financial struggles, lies, infidelity...the list could go on, but I’ll stop right there. It’s been hard. I probably have grown stronger because of it all, even if I don’t feel strong. I know I’ve grown wiser. That’s a plus. Our baby girl is a plus, too. 10 years of joy she’s given us. A wonderful, happy product of this marriage. And I have to admit, as we are slowly working through these problems, our love is growing again also. So even if we appear to be perfect and happy, on the inside, we’re not.

"Her future looks bright." I know. You think I’m going to tell you all about why my future doesn’t look bright. But I’m not going to do that. Even though I get down and depressed - I’m getting better. Even though I have no self-confidence - I’m still working on it. Even though I can be angry and hateful at times - I am becoming more like God every day. Even though I don’t love myself - I will eventually learn to. Even though my little family has it’s share of problems - we’re still together and still in love.

I have hopes and dreams for my future. I desire to walk in love, and to have peace in my life. I know I am imperfect, but I do proclaim that I am forgiven by a God who loves me. He will help me to love myself. He will heal what needs to be healed. He is the reason for every good thing that I have in my life. He is truly my strength and peace when everything and everyone around me seems to fail me. He is always there.

All of these things have become the threads that contribute to who I am, intertwining, like crocheted needlework. They are what make me - ME.

IMPERFECT - BUT FORGIVEN...

Child Of My Heart

2008-05-21T15:37:00.003-05:00

Smiling, laughing, so bubbly...
That is what they see -
It’s such a masquerade.

Your anger, your bitterness...
Where does it come from?
Where will it lead?

The accusations, the mistrust...
Always mad at me -
Can you not just love?

So much, you have...
If you only knew -
Why must you be so discontent?

The future, I fear...
Will be much the same -
Lashing out, attacking the ones who love you.

Allow me to be human...
No one is perfect -
I’m still a good person.

A mother who loves you...
You’re a part of me -
My love will never cease.

I’m not such a bad person.
Why can’t you love me?
I really need you to.

Copyright 2008 Patti Phillips

Columbia High School Alumni

2008-05-21T15:33:00.000-05:00

If you went to Columbia High School, West Columbia, then you need to join this website:

Columbia Alumni

Reconnect!

This Is A Fine Pickle You Got Us Unto

2008-05-21T15:29:00.002-05:00

This is my entry for Blogophilia, week 3.
Topic: This Is A Fine Pickle You Got Us Into!
Bonus points (hard, 2 points): Include a Ford Edsel.
Bonus points (easy, 1 point): Use or mention chocolate bunnies.

"THIS IS A FINE PICKLE YOU GOT US INTO"

It was very late at night, and my best girl friend Maddy and I were out driving around in her boyfriend’s big old SUV. The boyfriends we left at home. Well, Maddy gets this bright idea to swing by her ex-boyfriend’s Blaine’s house, just to check out the situation and see what was going on. "You can’t tell anyone we came out here, or my boyfriend will be really mad," she tells me.

She swings the big old SUV off the main road onto the side street.   As she approached the turnoff to Blaine’s road, I told her, "That road’s a bit muddy. You should be real careful. Tell me again why we’re doing this?" "God,   you know why! I want to see what he’s up to!"   "Well," I tell her, "I wouldn’t go down that road if I were you."

As we head down the muddy old dirt road, the SUV is sliding all over the place, spraying mud and water everywhere. About halfway down the road, I see deeper water and mud ahead. I tell Maddy, "Whatever you do, don’t hit your brakes! Just cruise right on through it!" Right about the time I said that what did she do? She hit her brakes. Hard. And we are stuck.

The SUV is not a 4 wheel drive, and there was no getting that vehicle out of that mud.   "Well, this is a fine pickle you’ve gotten us into! How could you not know that you never hit your brakes when going through deep mud?"

I open my door and peer out at the ground, or rather at the mud and water. I look ahead and see Blaine’s house in the distance.   Great. We’re going to have to wade through the muck to get to his house so he can help us get the SUV out, all the time wondering why we’re stuck on his road in the first place. I splash down feet first and tell Maddy to hurry it up. "But I don’t want to get muddy, you go and I’ll wait here!" "I don’t think so," I tell her,   "It’s your ex-boyfriend, so move it!"

Off we go to Blaine’s house, and guess what? He isn’t even
home! So we wade back past the SUV, and back to the paved road that we never should have left in the first place. First house we see with a light, we knock and ask to use a phone. I call my boyfriend Larry, (because Maddy’s boyfriend would kill her if he knew she was on the ex-boyfriend Blaine’s road. ) I tell Larry to hurry up, bring the truck and save us.

Well, we sit down in the middle of the road, eating chocolate bunnies while we wait.

It’s getting on to be about 2:00 a.m. by now. After about 45 minutes, here comes old Larry, but he’s not driving the truck to pull us out. He’s driving the Ford Edsel!

"Larry!" I yell. "What are you going to do with that thing? It can’t pull us out!" He just looks at us like he didn’t know we wanted him to pull us out. I tell him we’ve got to get this SUV out so Maddy can get home before her boyfriend wakes up. We pile in and head to Scott’s house, because we know he has a big old truck with a winch on the front.

After much banging on the door, and bribery, we convince Scott to come and help us. Back out to the country we go, leaving old Larry and his Ford Edsel behind, because he wasn’t any help anyway. Scott drives that big old winch truck right into the mud, climbs out in his hip-high rubber boots, and proceeds to attach the winch to Maddy’s big old SUV.

Within a few minutes, it’s out and we’re ready to go.

Straight to the car wash we go, so we can wash away all the
evidence.

We got home just before daybreak. To this day,
Maddy’s boyfriend never found out she got his SUV stuck, and Scott never did get the bribe he was promised.

I don’t know many of the people participating in this, so I’m going to guess that Colleen submitted the topic, because it sounds like something she’d say.

Pamela Suzanne Mican Grogan - I Miss You! I Love You!

2008-05-21T15:26:00.001-05:00

Originally published March 18, 2008

Pamela Suzanne Mican Grogan
Born: November 02, 1960
Died: March 18, 2008
Age: 47

I am in shock. I cannot believe she is gone. I wish I had told her I loved her. I wish I had gone to see her one last time. I wish I had told her how much she meant to me. I wish I had just one more day to see her beautiful face, to hug her, and to spend a little more time with her...

I miss my beautiful Pammie...

She left us Tuesday, March 18, 2008...

You never saw her without a smile-
I can hear her laugh now...

There was no one else quite like her...

She was always there for me...

I will hold my memories of her close to my heart...

Rest in Peace, my beautiful friend. You no longer have to miss your Michael. I can just see you and him together up there, ridin’ free! Know that I love you and I will never, ever forget you...

Funeral service for Pam will be held
Monday, March 24, 2008, at 10:00 a.m.

St. John’s Catholic Church
801 Loggins Dr.
West Columbia, Texas

My Ides of March

2008-05-21T15:22:00.002-05:00

This is my entry for the group Blogophilia, Week 1.
The topic is the Ides of March. I didn’t try for any bonus points.
Your comments are much appreciated.

The topic for Week 2 is already posted. If you would like
to participate, click on this link to get more info:

My Ides of March

I started reading other people’s blogs, and couldn’t quite
figure out what any of them had to do with the Ides of
March. My knowledge of the Ides of March was that it was
the day the Julius Caesar was assassinated after being
deceived by his friends. It was referred to as a time of
great doom. This occured during the month of March near
the middle of the month. March is known as a month of
tumultous, unpredictable weather. There may be storms,
strong winds, blizzards, or it may be beautiful and sunny,
with all the trees and flowers budding.    Thus, the
comparison of March to the Ides of March.

I have been going through my own Ides of March for quite
some time now. I’ve endured alot of hardships throughout
my adult life. It has seemed to me to be a time of great
doom that just keeps on going.

I’ve been criticized as a mother, for the way I’ve raised my
children. I’ve been judged by others about things they
really have no knowledge of. 2 of my children have been
diagnosed with ADHD. The oldest has always blamed me for
the problems he’s had that are related to the ADHD. He has
grown up to be addicted to drugs and alcohol, and that has
been blamed on me too.   He is a thief, and has been in and
out of jail and in trouble with the law since he was 16. I’ve
questioned what I could have done diffently that may have
caused him to go in a different direction.   I always set a
good example, never drank or did any kind of drugs. I know
that even seemingly perfect families have children that go
the wrong route. Some straighten out later in life, some
don’t. I also know that we as parents can’t always be
blamed for the bad choices that our children make, when
we’ve raised them to know right from wrong. However,
that doesn’t take away the incredible hurt and pain that
I feel when I see my grown child struggling to function
in the world, trying to find his way.

I’ve been through one divorce because of verbal abuse, and
was on the verge of a second one because of repeated
infidelity. I left my first marriage believing all of the lies
that I had been told about myself. I thought I was a
worthless person, unworthy of anyone’s love. I then
hardened myself to caring about any man ever again.
But as things go, I did fall in love again and remarry.
Of course, 1 year into the marriage I discover he’s
having an affair.
After many tears, and several affairs later, I left, only to
reconcile after 18 months apart. The pain that I have felt
over this has been unreal. You would not believe what a
spouse’s unfaithfulness can do to you , and to your self
image. I’m trying to learn to love myself, and to believe
that I am not to blame for his bad choices.

My Daddy was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease around
20 years ago. He passed away a little over 2 years ago. He
suffered for a very long time. We had to stand by
helplessly and watch this disease slowly steal his mind. It
was horrible to see him, once a highly intelligent man,
become a child again. When we got the call to come
to the nursing home, I dressed and immediately left.
I didn’t make it in time. As I placed my hand on the front
door to enter the building, he was taking his last breath.
That is one of my greatest regrets, that I didn’t get to tell
him goodbye.

There have been many other things that have happened to
contribute to my "Ides", but that’s probably best left for
another time. I am now entering a new season in my life,
where the doom has seemingly lifted. I don’t know if all of
the circumstances have improved. I really don’t think they
have. I have just learned to see them differently, and to
react to them differently. I have tried to use each negative
thing that has happened as a stepping stone to becoming a
stronger, wiser, and better person. I know I will experience
many more Ides of March during my lifetime.
However,with my faith in God, I will come through each
one victorious.

May you and your family also grow from your hard times.

When the Lord Made EMT's

2008-05-21T04:07:00.001-05:00

When the Lord made EMT’s and Paramedics, he was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said, "You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And the Lord said, "Have you read the specs on this order? An EMS provider has to be able to carry an injured person up a wet, grassy hill in the dark, dodge stray bullets to reach a dying child unarmed, enter homes the health inspector wouldn’t touch, and not wrinkle their uniform."

"They have to be able to lift 3 times their own weight, crawl into wrecked cars with barely enough room to move, and console a grieving mother as they are doing CPR on a baby they know will never breathe again."

"They have to be in top mental condition at all times, running on no sleep, black coffee and half-eaten meals. And they have to have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands...no way."

"It’s not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord, "It’s the three pairs of eyes a medic has to have."

"That’s on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees open sores as they’re drawing blood and asks the patient if they may be HIV positive," (when they already know and wish they’d taken that accounting job.) Another pair here in the side of the head for their partners’ safety. And another pair of eyes here in front that can look supportively at a frightened person and gently explain that their spouse of many years has departed this life."

"Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."

"I can’t," said the Lord, "I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound drunk out from behind a steering wheel without incident and feed a family of five on a private service paycheck."

The angel circled the model of the medic very slowly, "Can it think?" she asked.

"You bet," said the Lord. "It can tell you the symptoms of 100 illnesses; recite drug calculations in its sleep; intubate, defibrillate, medicate, and continue CPR nonstop over terrain that any doctor would fear...and still it keeps its sense of humor. This medic also has phenomenal personal control. He can deal with a multi-victim trauma, coax a frightened elderly person to unlock their door, comfort an assault victim’s family, and then read an article in the daily paper about responders being too slow to locate a house (a house which had no street sign and no house numbers.)"

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the medic. "There’s a leak," she pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."

"That’s not a leak," said the Lord, "It’s a tear."

"What’s the tear for?" asked the angel.

"It’s for bottled-up emotions, for patients they’ve tried in vain to save, for commitment to that hope that they will make a difference in a person’s chance to survive, for seeing an accident victim walk again, for the family time they will miss while serving the community, for life."

"You’re a genius," said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. "I didn’t put it there," He said.

Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda

2008-05-21T04:01:00.003-05:00

Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda's - thanks Colleen

Here's my own personal list of regrets. I'm thankful for
the regrets because they've helped me to become a better,
stronger person.

I Could Have:

~Given up on my marriage, but things are so much better
now.
~Stayed with my first husband, but I couldn't find any answers or solutions as to how to make it work.
~Done without the heartache I've endured, but I've learned
so much from it all.
~Let life make me bitter and angry, but that's just too much
work, and I want to spread love, not hate.
~Done the typical rebellious things most teenagers do, but I
just wasn't interested.

I Should Have:

~Not given up my $10,000 scholarship to college.
~Finished college before I married, but I wanted and
needed to be with the one that I loved, because I had felt so
unloved for so long.
~Said "I Love You" more often.
~Determined sooner that I would not be a product of my
upbringing.
~Recognized the poor example of love that was set for me,
so I could try to change those things before I became a wife
and mother.
~Been a better parent to my children.
~Done a better job of being a Godly parent.
~Spent more time with my children and less time with the
things I felt I "had" to get done.
~Been more aware of other people's needs.
~Used more self control.
~Figured out how to help my son.

I Would Have:

~Wanted to get to my Daddy's bedside before he passed away so I could tell him goodbye.
~Wanted my son's life to turn out differently.
~Wanted my daughter to not be so moody.
~Made some very different choices in my life.
~Not compromised my standards or morals.
~Gotten a 4 yr college degree instead of blowing off college when I did.
~Used my talents and gifts more to help others.
~Learned to love myself.
~Figured out how to "heal" some relationships in my life.

There's much more I could add, but this is enough for now.

My Cat Is Weird

2008-05-21T03:57:00.001-05:00

I have 2 tabby cats, that are twins. I helped bring them into this world 7 or 8 years ago when their mother had problems delivering them. I call them the Twin Tabby Turds. They couldn't be any different. White Foot is a large, overweight cat with a fat pouch hanging down under her belly. She is very friendly and lovable, and loves to sleep with us at night. She seeks us out for attention and petting. We really enjoy her character and uniqueness.

Little Bit is her twin sister, and she is just a freaky cat, although we do love her. She is tiny, about 1/3 the size of her sister. She is very neurotic and schizophrenic. She stays hidden all the time, and never comes out for love or attention. We rarely even see her come out to eat or use the litter box. She does, however, come to see me when I get in my bed at night. That is the only time she is comfortable showing herself, and she generally sleeps right by my pillow until someone starts moving around in the morning. Then she's off to hide for another day.

Because she is so neurotic, she has alot of issues. She's been having to stay at a friends house during our recent move, and I guess it has her stressed out. She has this skin condition going on, and the vet says it is strictly due to stress, since he couldn't find any other source of the problem. She breaks out with this rash on her body, under her hair, and then she starts licking everywhere she can reach. This in turn causes all the hair to come off everywhere she licks. So... she has a bare belly, underside of her legs, base and underside of tail, etc, wherever she can reach. This is the second time she's done this, the last time occuring also when she had to stay at someone's house. I guess she's so attached to me that it stresses her out to be away from me, I don't know. She looks really weird and I wish I had a picture to post that shows her condition. Anyway, here's a picture of them together.

I love my cats, but they are such a pain.

Breaking Free Update - Feb 11, 2008

2008-05-21T03:26:00.002-05:00

Originally posted February 11, 2008

Tomorrow marks 4 weeks since I quit smoking. I have not failed - I have not even cheated one time. I started out taking the Chantix 1 week before my quit date. It is designed to help with the physical cravings, by blocking the nicotine receptors in your brain. During the first week before I quit, I noticed I was smoking less without even trying, so it must work somehow.

At the end of that week, I sat outside at my table and savored my very last cigarette at midnight. I felt truly sad that I would never again enjoy the feel of pulling that smoke into my lungs, or the taste (yes taste) of that cigarette (how misguided I was). I tried to make the cigarette last as long as possible.

If I hadn't been so sleepy, I probably would have sat outside and smoked the rest of the pack. As it was, I was completely exhausted and could hardly keep my eyes open. So I put the cigarette out, and went inside. I set the pack of cigarettes and lighter by my husband's coffee pot, as he had promised to discard them when he got up. I didn't have the heart to do so myself. Then I went to bed.

The very next day, I got up, knowing right away there would be no waking up cigarette, but that was ok. The cigarettes were gone, the ashtray was gone, no evidence anywhere.

But then the temptations began. For the first 3 or 4 days, I did feel some physical cravings, but they weren't very bad. What REALLY got to me was the habitual behaviors connected with smoking a cigarette. Waking up, after a meal, while driving, while playing cards, etc. Every situation connected with smoking a cigarette (which is basically anytime I'm not inside my house.)

However, it is true - each day is easier than the one before. I found that when I was really wanting a cigarette, I just made myself immediately think of something else, and found something to do to take my mind off of it. That's what I've done every day.

I have a support website that I log in to every day, and it has a spot where you chart your level of cravings. I started out at a 9 for a few days, then it gradually began to decline. For the last week, I have been at 3 and 2. When I finished my first month of Chantix last week, I decided I really didn't need to pay $120 for another prescription, because I've been doing so well. I'm doing great without the pills. My physical cravings are almost non-existant. My mental cravings are declining rapidly. Although I will fondly remember the pleasure of smoking a cigarette, I will never, ever pick one up again to smoke. And that's a promise to my family and friends.

My Heart's Desire

2008-05-21T03:20:00.003-05:00

This is something that came to me in the middle of the night, when I couldn’t sleep.

MY HEART’S DESIRE

Now that I am grown
With a family of my own
The "lessons" that you taught me
Are starting to hit home.

Never show your feelings
Never lose your pride
Don’t open up to anyone
It’s easier to hide.

Never say "I love you"
It might make you seem weak
How I long to hear the words
That you refuse to speak.

"A job well done" - that won’t be said
Neither will "I’m proud of you"
Your hug withheld forever
It’s all you know to do.

I never will be good enough
to hear you say my name
To tell me I’m all you’d ever want
I guess you’d think that lame.

The hole that’s left inside of me
Somehow I cannot fill
I don’t know what it is I need
To make your love seem real.

It’s made me who I am today
Though "who" I cannot say
I want to be someone I’m not
I want to find my way.

My heart will keep on hurting
As the thoughts aside I shove
I’ll always go on seeking
To find my mother’s love.

Copyright 2008 Patti Phillips

Something On My Heart Today - by Colleen

2008-05-21T03:17:00.002-05:00

I would like to share with you a very special blog that my friend, Colleen, wrote. She speaks of the "seasons" in her life, and you will be truly moved. Please take a moment to read it.

Something On My Heart Today

Random Stuff To Kill Time

2008-05-21T03:04:00.002-05:00

Originally posted February 3, 2008

Ok, so I stole this (well, not really stole cuz as you'll see in the instructions....)from Colleen who stole it from McJeffrey who stole it from some chic who probably stole it from another chic.......

If you comment on this blog then you have been tagged. So, this is what you need to do:

Post a comment on this blog: just type your name in my blog comments. Once you do that, then this is what I must do for you...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.

2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.

3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in.

4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.

5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.

6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.

7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.

But, like I said. You will have tagged yourself. This means YOU TOO! If you play, you MUST post this on your blog. No exceptions!

Agree?

**DISCLAIMER: I reserve the right to not really know a dang thing about you. In other words if I don't know you, I'll make it all up! Good Luck to you!

AND HERE IS ONE OF THE FOLLOW UP TAGS:

FOR COLLEEN

You, my friend, get the special treatment, cuz I'm including pictures!

1. You love to go camping.

2. The Happy Song

3.Strawberry

4. Infidelity

5. Way back when we both were going to the Baptist church in WC.

(closest I could get)
6. the donkey on Shrek - not by looks but by personality

7. How do you have so much self-confidence?

horrific event in Galveston

2008-05-21T03:01:00.002-05:00

Originally posted February 2, 2008

Dead Baby Found on Side of Road
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
How could someone leave a dead child by the side of the road?

Ugly story from Galveston, Texas, where a dead baby was alongside a road, not far from his car seat. (A couple that was birdwatching found his body -- they initially mistook him for a doll.) The child died from blunt force trauma to his head. Police are now searching for the 3-month-old's missing dad, Travis Mullis, who is 21.

A makeshift memorial is seen next to the outline police made where the body of a baby boy was found Tuesday in an isolated area in Galveston, Texas. The body was found on the side of the road next to the car seat of the baby, who was killed by head injuries before his body was dumped in Galveston, according to autopsy results released Wednesday.

Police: Woman no longer cooperating in investigation of dead baby

A young woman who said she's the mother of a 3-month-old found dead in Galveston this week is no longer cooperating with authorities.

Police believe the woman has hired an attorney.

Meanwhile, the search for a "person of interest" in the baby's death continues.

Police have few leads in the search for Travis Mullis, who may be the father of the baby found dead.

"I don't think we're getting a lot. I wouldn't categorize it as a lot," Lt. Jorge Trevino said.

Police believe Mullis may know more about the baby who was killed, then dumped – still in his car seat – along a lonely road on Galveston's East End.

Mullis reportedly worked at a Walgreens in Houston.

Police believe he left his Alvin home Tuesday morning with the baby and hasn't been heard from since.

"I don't know why we're not getting any leads," Trevino said.

The baby's murder has shocked the entire community, including Bob Adams.

Adams wrote a poem for the child called "Little Boy Blue."

Police are not calling Mullis a suspect – only a person of interest. They say he is known to hang out in Galveston and Baytown. Baytown police have been alerted to be on the lookout for the 21-year-old.

But even though he's not a suspect, authorities think he can tell them more about how a baby ended up dead in the middle of nowhere.

Police said Mullis was last seen driving a silver, four-door, 2002 Hyundai Accent with duct tape on the rear passenger side door handle and Texas license plate 067-RJP.

An autopsy on Wednesday determined that the baby's death was a homicide caused by blunt force head trauma.

The baby's mother said she suspected something was wrong.

Police say that the night before the baby was found Mullis and the baby's mother argued.

The child's mother told authorities that she was not concerned when Mullis left with the baby because he said he was going to have his car worked on. She said she became concerned when she couldn't get a hold of Mullis.

That's when the Alvin mother starting calling local hospitals seeking her child and the boy's father. Those calls eventually led to the Galveston Police Department as reports of a boy's body being found near the island's Seawall surfaced.

The mother identified a photo of the dead child as her son, but police were waiting for a medical examiner's report to confirm the dead child's identity.

Galveston detectives were at the mother's trailer home in Alvin searching for clues in the case Tuesday night.

Police suspect the person who threw the child from the car is a man because of the distance the child was thrown.

Scott Pena, with the Galveston Police Department Crime Scene Unit, inspects a car seat found near the body of an infant in Galveston, Texas on Tuesday, Jan. 29, 2008. A couple who had been sightseeing in Galveston thought they came upon a doll, then realized it was the body of a baby. (AP Photo/The Daily News, Jennifer Reynolds)

A couple who found the infant's body on Galveston's far East End say they were shaken and disturbed by the unsettling discovery and were attempting to push it from their minds.

They were looking for birds and coyotes while driving just north of the Seawall between the entrance to East Beach and Ferry Road.

"I saw some legs and feet, and said, 'What is this? A doll?'" said the Jesse Zaro Jr., a Galveston County jail employee who was with his wife Esmeralda. "I didn't say anything to my wife but, 'Wait here.' I opened the door and realized it was a baby. I just fell to pieces. We were looking to find something beautiful."

The couple called 911, and police immediately cordoned off the scene and began photographing and shooting video of the area.

Police have found other bodies in the isolated area by the Seawall, but none in recent memory on Cherry Hill, Trevino said.

Police: Dad Surrenders, Charged In Baby's Death

POSTED: 10:30 pm CST February 1, 2008
UPDATED: 12:54 pm CST February 2, 2008

GALVESTON, Texas -- The father of a slain baby found dumped on the side of a Galveston road surrendered and confessed in Philadelphia Friday, and was charged with capital murder, officials told KPRC Local 2.

Police said they believe Travis "T.J." Mullis is the father of a 3-month-old boy found dead near a utility pole on Seawall Boulevard near Ferry Road on Tuesday

Police held a news conference Friday night and said Mullis confessed to killing the baby by stomping on the boy's head with his foot three to four times.

"Travis Mullis stated that he intentionally killed 3-month-old Alijah Mullis in Galveston on Jan. 29, 2008," said Lt. Jorge Trevino with the Galveston Police Department.

Mullis is being held on a $1 million bond on the capital murder charge.

Galveston County Criminal District Attorney Kurt Sistrunk said the extradition process to return Mullis to Texas will begin Monday.

Mullis had family in Maryland and traveled to Philadelphia from there, stopping at churches along the way, officials said.

"He would stop at a church, tell them a sad story and he would get money from a church," an investigator said. "He walked into the station, said he wanted to talk about something and turned himself in."

Police did not elaborate on a possible motive.

"There are no other suspects," Trevino said.

Mullis was charged with a felony related to a girl in a separate case. He is accused of enticing a child, which is intentionally taking a child from a parent without the parent knowing, with the intent to commit a felony.

Investigators said a child who lived with Mullis in Alvin made that claim. The allegation surfaced while police were investigating the death of the 3-month-old.

Officials said Mullis might have tried to have a sexual encounter with an 8-year-old girl the same day the baby was found.

According to the Brazoria County District Attorney's Office, the 8-year-old who Mullis lived with claimed that while everyone in the house was asleep, Mullis took her to a school playground in an attempt to commit a sexual assault.

Investigators said he asked the girl to take off her pants and then tried to remove them himself.

"At that point, she was very firm and said, 'No. Take me back home,' or something along that line. And everything stopped," said Chief Mike Merkel with the Alvin Police Department.

The woman believed to be the mother identified the deceased baby in a photo as her son, police said. Footprint records obtained from a hospital have not helped positively identify the boy, so officials are awaiting DNA results, investigators said.

Detectives said the possible mother's role has changed in their investigation. Police said she initially cooperated, but has since hired an attorney.

"She was still cooperating up until recently," Trevino said. "One of the investigators told me that she's not as cooperative."

Investigators said the woman and Mullis argued the night before the baby's body was found. Police said they did not know if the argument played a role in the baby's death.

Mullis left at about 5 a.m. Tuesday to get a car repaired, police said. A couple discovered the baby's body and a car seat about four hours later.

The baby is the second child to be found dead in the area in the past few months. A fisherman discovered the body of a young girl in a plastic box floating in Galveston Bay in October. Detectives named her "Baby Grace" until they learned her true identity, Riley Ann Sawyers.

Addicted to Your Cell Phone

2008-05-21T02:58:00.001-05:00

ADDICTED TO PHONES?

Some people don't have a problem turning off their cell
phone in movies, hospitals, or after work. But for
others, just the idea of being out of touch causes
anxiety.

Although a seemingly necessary part of our lives,
the use of cell phones and Blackberry type devices
is starting to interfere in the lives of users who
don't know when, or are unable to turn them off.

Talking on the phone is not really the problem,
so much as the need to be connected, available,
and to know what's going on with other people.
That is the true measurement of cell phone addiction.

If you can't sit through a meal without answering
every call, sending text messages, etc, then you
have a problem. If not having your phone causes
so much anxiety that you can't enjoy yourself,
and constantly think about getting back home so
you can check your messages, then you have a problem.
If your excessive use of the cell phone causes
problems in your relationships, or job, then you
have a problem.

So can these frequent cell phone users be labeled
as addicted? There are some similiarities to other
types of addiction, such as using it to feel good,
building up a tolerance, needing it more and more,
and experiencing withdrawal if deprived of it.

I personally think that extremely excessive use
of the cell phone can be called an addiction,
and that it can seriously interfere with relationships.
I speak from personal experience. Someone I care
about is always on the phone. Monthly cell
bills show 4800-5000 minutes used monthly. Every
moment spent in the car driving is spent on the phone.
Hang up from one call, immediately call someone else.
And forget every being able to get through to him when
you call, because he will always be talking on the
phone. These are all personal calls, not business
related ones.

It's become a real issue between us, whether you
want to label it "addiction" or not. I myself
think it's just a case of denial.

Do you or someone you know have this problem?
What do you think about it?

Check out this video - Are You Ready?

2008-05-21T02:55:00.007-05:00

Check out this video: Are You Ready?

Add to My Profile | More Videos

I've Been Tagged

2008-05-18T17:59:00.001-05:00

Once you have been tagged you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (tag, you're it) to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me back, let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see your answers..

1. I would love to be a veterinarian.

2. I can play piano and guitar.

3. I almost bled to death one time.

4. Sometimes I'm kind of OCD.

5. Most of the time I dislike myself.

6. I have a deep dark secret.

7. I have difficulty sleeping at night.

8. Someday I want to go see Ireland.

9. I graduated 3rd in my high school and 1st in nursing school.

10. I am adopted.

Now the fun part

the 10 I tag are:

1. Amy

2. Pam

3. Misty

4. Rhonda

5. Missy

6. Paula

7. Candy

8. Darlene

9. Greg

10. Lloyd

To get to know you all better

Leave a comment on their blog to let them know that they've been tagged and see what happens!

Epitome of Human Kindness

2008-05-14T04:21:00.001-05:00

Brings a tear to even a glass eye.

... This is one of the kindest things I've ever experienced. I have no way to know who sent it, but there is a kind soul working in the dead letter office of the US Postal Service.

Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

“ Dear God, Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick. I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her. Love, Meredith.”

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office.

A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had. Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, "To Meredith" in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, "When a Pet Dies." Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:

"Dear Meredith, Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away. Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, So I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by. Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother You have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I am wherever there is love. Love, God"

Things I LOVE About Not Smoking

2008-05-14T04:18:00.001-05:00

Originally posted January 21, 2008

I just completed my 6th day of not smoking - yeah me! I thought I would share a few things that I LOVE about not smoking...

~~I love the way I smell - no icky ashtray smelling hair, body, clothes, fingers - I can actually smell my perfume now. So can other people!

~~I love the way I don't have to worry about smelling bad when I give someone a kiss.

~~I love being in control of me, and not having to plan my life around when and where I can smoke.

~~I love not having to sit outside in the cold freezing my buns off to have yet another cigarette.

~~I love that I will now live a longer and healthier life.

~~I love that I am setting a good example for my children.

~~I love that I no longer have to feel embarrassed that others know I smoke.

~~I love that I'm no longer wheezing at night when I sleep.

~~I love that the people I care about are proud of me.

~~I love that I have inspired others to quit.

~~I love being able to go out to eat and ask for a seat in the nonsmoking section.

~~I love that I'm already starting to breathe easier.

~~I love that I am my true self now, no longer hiding.

~~I love having the freedom from fear - fear of the addiction, and what it was doing to me. What a tremendous release to let go of that burden.

~~I love that I now have more time here to love, laugh, and enjoy my life with my family and friends.

I love ya'll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Patti

STILLWATERS

You Have To Break Free...

A Time

Finding Your Inner Strength

Surrendering To Change

Musings...

Note to Self

Staying True To My Path

Note to Self:

Note to Self

Note to Self:

Keeping On

You Might Be a Home Health Care Nurse If...

A Stirring

May You Have Peace Within

There's a Right Time for Everything

I Am...

Let It Be Me

Selflessness

Think On These Things

The Curse Of An Aching Heart

It's In the Valleys I Grow

Contemplating...

Is It Worth It?

Sophia's Heart

Yikes!

Do You Like To Blog?

Electric Cars

Laurie Heath Studio

I'd Rather Be Dehydrated

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Stronger - Breaking Free Update

Kind of Creepy

My Friends, I'm Sorry

My Struggles Make Me Strong!

Awesome Crackers!

I Wonder Why He Is So Ungrateful

Hurricane Education: What we've learned during Ike . . .

County should count blessings in wake of Ike

AFTER IKE

STILL WAITING

WATCHING AND WAITING

Hurricane IKE is coming!

When You Have To Let Go

Breaking Free Update

I'd Rather Do It Myself

Beauty in Brokenness

Changes

Moving

It seems I'm falling...

Dressed To Kill

The Stranger

Blessed

Dreamer

Brianna's Donation to Locks of Love

This Is How It Is

Decisions

Blessings

Favorite Holiday Candy

When I Reach the Place I'm Going

Behind Closed Doors

How to Score Points With Your Girlfriend's Mom

Mosquitos

Who Really Knows the Answer?

Wormholes

Images In The News - May 23, 2008

Just Some Random Stuff

Waiting

Freaks of the Universe

Something Close To My Heart - *warning* disturbing pictures

My Daughter Amy Nicole

On Relationships

The Woods Out Back

When In Rome

I Didn't Mean For That To Happen

You Don't Know Me At All

Child Of My Heart

Columbia High School Alumni

This Is A Fine Pickle You Got Us Unto

Pamela Suzanne Mican Grogan - I Miss You! I Love You!

My Ides of March

Something Close To My Heart - warning disturbing pictures