I'VE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR 7 MONTHS!!!!!!!!
And I am so very proud of myself! I feel so good. You can do it too! Go for it!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Breaking Free Update
I am patting myself on the back:
I'VE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR 7 MONTHS!!!!!!!!
And I am so very proud of myself! I feel so good. You can do it too! Go for it!
I'VE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR 7 MONTHS!!!!!!!!
And I am so very proud of myself! I feel so good. You can do it too! Go for it!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I'd Rather Do It Myself
I consider myself a pretty independent person, especially when it comes to tackling a project I want to get done. I've learned how to do quite a lot of stuff by myself just by digging in and doing it. There's usually no one else around to help me, and I just learn as I go. I get a lot of info from the internet on how to do stuff, and I've done pretty well. I think I can fix more around the house than my husband can. Now I'm not saying that it's because I know more, but maybe it's because I'm there more.
One thing I absolutely hate is when I start a project and get to a spot that I just can't do by myself. Usually it's because it takes someone with more strength than I have. I am a self-professed control freak and perfectionist, and I want to do everything myself, so I know it's done to my satisfaction. So - I HATE it when I have to ask for help, especially from my husband.
He LOVES it when I have to ask for help, as far as being able to display his expertise. He HATES it when I ask for help, because he KNOWS that I will immediately begin criticizing his technique. I usually have to do this because he never will just do what it is I'm asking him to do. When I need help, I tell him specifically what it is I need him to do for me. He then proceeds to tell me how he thinks it ought to be done. I usually end up getting really pissed at him, and yelling at him to please just do it the way I'm asking, because that's the way I want it done. If he says anything else, I just take the tool or whatever away from him, put on my pissy face, and say "fine, I'll just do it myself." It always works. He immediately gets it done my way.
I don't really mean to be hateful about it. It just happens that way. I know it's wrong, because most women don't have a man that is as willing to help his wife as mine is. I'm truly grateful for him and his willingness. It's just that my perfectionist, control-freak demons take over me, and I just want it done my way.
After he gets started doing it my way, and we're getting the job done together, my mood improves, and I start being nice again. At this point I am actually enjoying working together and accomplishing something.
It's something I've got to work on - learning to control my temper and showing him that I am grateful for his help.
One thing I absolutely hate is when I start a project and get to a spot that I just can't do by myself. Usually it's because it takes someone with more strength than I have. I am a self-professed control freak and perfectionist, and I want to do everything myself, so I know it's done to my satisfaction. So - I HATE it when I have to ask for help, especially from my husband.
He LOVES it when I have to ask for help, as far as being able to display his expertise. He HATES it when I ask for help, because he KNOWS that I will immediately begin criticizing his technique. I usually have to do this because he never will just do what it is I'm asking him to do. When I need help, I tell him specifically what it is I need him to do for me. He then proceeds to tell me how he thinks it ought to be done. I usually end up getting really pissed at him, and yelling at him to please just do it the way I'm asking, because that's the way I want it done. If he says anything else, I just take the tool or whatever away from him, put on my pissy face, and say "fine, I'll just do it myself." It always works. He immediately gets it done my way.
I don't really mean to be hateful about it. It just happens that way. I know it's wrong, because most women don't have a man that is as willing to help his wife as mine is. I'm truly grateful for him and his willingness. It's just that my perfectionist, control-freak demons take over me, and I just want it done my way.
After he gets started doing it my way, and we're getting the job done together, my mood improves, and I start being nice again. At this point I am actually enjoying working together and accomplishing something.
It's something I've got to work on - learning to control my temper and showing him that I am grateful for his help.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Beauty in Brokenness
(1)Christianity Today, (July 2007, vol. 51, Number 7), 30.
Author: Margaret Manning
Recently, I attended a retreat where there was a great deal of personal sharing. I sat amazed as I listened to women from every walk of life, most of whom were established Christians, share of heartache, pain, and various aspects of struggle they had either just come through, or were currently experiencing. I was overwhelmed by their honesty and by the poignancy of their stories. But even more than this, I was overwhelmed by the beauty radiating from within as they shared their stories.
Beauty in brokenness? Without glorifying suffering, there is an unexpected beauty that can shine through stories of struggle. One friend is a paraplegic broken in the use of her body, and yet she has a beautiful spirit. Not limited by her brokenness, she uses her own difficulties to help others, and teach others about true ability and disability. Tony Snow, former White House Press Secretary, considered his cancer a "calling" and in a recent article written in Christianity Today said, "We are fallen. We are imperfect. Our bodies give out. But despite this--because of it-–God offers the possibility of salvation and grace."(1) That possibility of salvation and grace is beauty in brokenness.
Somehow, uniquely, God desires to use those difficult moments of our lives to bring forth something extraordinarily beautiful. Even the natural creation attests to this truth. In fall, we marvel at the gorgeous, lush colors of burnt amber, burnished orange, brilliant red, and bright yellow leaves, even as that beauty belies the slow and gradual death of those leaves. Winter buries those leaves under the cold, dark blanket of snow and frost. And yet, death brings forth life. Spring bursts forth year after year with jonquils, iris, lilies, and all the beautiful pastels of new life.
During a time of deep despair and suffering, King David wondered about God's ability to be present in his dark places--to bring about beautiful redemption in the midst of brokenness. He cried out to God, "Will your loving kindness be declared in the grave, your faithfulness in Abaddon? Will your wonders be made known in the darkness? And your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?" (Psalm 88:11-12). David wondered about God's work in his life--had he been abandoned? Was God still guiding him even in the deepest, darkest places of brokenness and fear? And even in those places seemingly forgotten, would God continue to make things right? David struggled to see how beauty could emerge out of brokenness. And yet, he later affirmed in Psalm 139, "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there... if I say, 'surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." It is in those dark places of brokenness and suffering that God brings forth luminous light so that even the dark is illuminated.
The prophet Isaiah repeats this theme by promising one who would redeem the exiles, giving them "a garland of beauty instead of ashes" and "the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord... who summons you by name" (Isaiah 61:3, 45:3). Perhaps, these were Scriptures recalled by the apostle Paul when he declared that "we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body" (2 Corinthians 4:7-9). Indeed, Paul declares that "the God who said, 'Light shall shine out of darkness,' is the one who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ" (4:6). And so often, that face of Christ is demonstrated with beautiful radiance through the broken and dark places in our lives.
Today, if you are experiencing hardship, difficulty or personal darkness, seek the light and beauty of Christ, for he longs to be present to you, to give you a garland of beauty instead of ashes, to call you by name, and to bring forth treasures of darkness. He is there in the brokenness with you.
Margaret Manning is associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.
(1)Christianity Today, (July 2007, vol. 51, Number 7), 30.
Author: Margaret Manning
Author: Margaret Manning
Recently, I attended a retreat where there was a great deal of personal sharing. I sat amazed as I listened to women from every walk of life, most of whom were established Christians, share of heartache, pain, and various aspects of struggle they had either just come through, or were currently experiencing. I was overwhelmed by their honesty and by the poignancy of their stories. But even more than this, I was overwhelmed by the beauty radiating from within as they shared their stories.
Beauty in brokenness? Without glorifying suffering, there is an unexpected beauty that can shine through stories of struggle. One friend is a paraplegic broken in the use of her body, and yet she has a beautiful spirit. Not limited by her brokenness, she uses her own difficulties to help others, and teach others about true ability and disability. Tony Snow, former White House Press Secretary, considered his cancer a "calling" and in a recent article written in Christianity Today said, "We are fallen. We are imperfect. Our bodies give out. But despite this--because of it-–God offers the possibility of salvation and grace."(1) That possibility of salvation and grace is beauty in brokenness.
Somehow, uniquely, God desires to use those difficult moments of our lives to bring forth something extraordinarily beautiful. Even the natural creation attests to this truth. In fall, we marvel at the gorgeous, lush colors of burnt amber, burnished orange, brilliant red, and bright yellow leaves, even as that beauty belies the slow and gradual death of those leaves. Winter buries those leaves under the cold, dark blanket of snow and frost. And yet, death brings forth life. Spring bursts forth year after year with jonquils, iris, lilies, and all the beautiful pastels of new life.
During a time of deep despair and suffering, King David wondered about God's ability to be present in his dark places--to bring about beautiful redemption in the midst of brokenness. He cried out to God, "Will your loving kindness be declared in the grave, your faithfulness in Abaddon? Will your wonders be made known in the darkness? And your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?" (Psalm 88:11-12). David wondered about God's work in his life--had he been abandoned? Was God still guiding him even in the deepest, darkest places of brokenness and fear? And even in those places seemingly forgotten, would God continue to make things right? David struggled to see how beauty could emerge out of brokenness. And yet, he later affirmed in Psalm 139, "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there... if I say, 'surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." It is in those dark places of brokenness and suffering that God brings forth luminous light so that even the dark is illuminated.
The prophet Isaiah repeats this theme by promising one who would redeem the exiles, giving them "a garland of beauty instead of ashes" and "the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord... who summons you by name" (Isaiah 61:3, 45:3). Perhaps, these were Scriptures recalled by the apostle Paul when he declared that "we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body" (2 Corinthians 4:7-9). Indeed, Paul declares that "the God who said, 'Light shall shine out of darkness,' is the one who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ" (4:6). And so often, that face of Christ is demonstrated with beautiful radiance through the broken and dark places in our lives.
Today, if you are experiencing hardship, difficulty or personal darkness, seek the light and beauty of Christ, for he longs to be present to you, to give you a garland of beauty instead of ashes, to call you by name, and to bring forth treasures of darkness. He is there in the brokenness with you.
Margaret Manning is associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.
(1)Christianity Today, (July 2007, vol. 51, Number 7), 30.
Author: Margaret Manning
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Changes
My mother moved to an independent living center 1 month ago. She did this for several reasons, some good and some bad. My father passed away in 2005. Momma has ALWAYS been the security for everyone in this family. None of us could ever imagine life without her, especially since Daddy's been gone. She turned 80 this past year, and it's hard to see her beginning to age, and to show her age. She's always been so young at heart, healthy, and on the go. In the last year she seems to have slowed down alot. Many days she doesn't feel well, but isn't sure what's wrong. The upkeep of the house became too much for her, and I guess she needed a quieter, easier life. It has totally rocked our world. How is it that seemingly overnight so much has changed?
My family has moved into her house this week. I've spent a month working on things in the house, painting, shampooing carpets, etc. We got everything into the house yesterday, but it's all in a shambles. Our bed is finally set up, and we managed to get the couches somewhat arranged. I've been going non-stop for the last month with packing Momma up, moving her, packing my stuff up, moving into the house, and cleaning the old place. I've sweated enough you'd think I'd have lost about 20 lbs. The humidity has been really high here. Going outside feels like a sauna, but you sweat indoors too if you're working.
I'm really, really tired! I really, really miss my mother. Change is hard. There's still more change to come, but I'm not going to go into that right now. There's always good that comes with bad, and bad that comes with good. I hope I'm learning whatever it is I need to be learning from this change.
My Restless Leg Syndrome has really been acting up lately, and has been worse with all the physical activity I've been doing. I'm not sleeping well, usually only for 3 or 4 hours at a time. Than I have to get up and move around. I sometimes have to lay down during the day for a couple hours to make up for lost sleep. I think I need to get a new plan of treatment for this thing before I go crazy.
My family has moved into her house this week. I've spent a month working on things in the house, painting, shampooing carpets, etc. We got everything into the house yesterday, but it's all in a shambles. Our bed is finally set up, and we managed to get the couches somewhat arranged. I've been going non-stop for the last month with packing Momma up, moving her, packing my stuff up, moving into the house, and cleaning the old place. I've sweated enough you'd think I'd have lost about 20 lbs. The humidity has been really high here. Going outside feels like a sauna, but you sweat indoors too if you're working.
I'm really, really tired! I really, really miss my mother. Change is hard. There's still more change to come, but I'm not going to go into that right now. There's always good that comes with bad, and bad that comes with good. I hope I'm learning whatever it is I need to be learning from this change.
My Restless Leg Syndrome has really been acting up lately, and has been worse with all the physical activity I've been doing. I'm not sleeping well, usually only for 3 or 4 hours at a time. Than I have to get up and move around. I sometimes have to lay down during the day for a couple hours to make up for lost sleep. I think I need to get a new plan of treatment for this thing before I go crazy.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Moving
I moved out of an apartment and into a house this week. I own this house, as I have inherited it from my mother. I will not miss the horrific odors coming through the vents. I will not miss the bratty kids beating on my door at 7:00 in the morning. I will not miss the jerks who park 1 foot away from my car door, and especially not the ones who park in my parking place. I will not miss the constant arguing that goes on in one apartment or another, that usually ends up in out in the courtyard. I will not miss the freaks who sit and stare at me when I walk my dog. I will not miss the banging of the headboard against my bedroom wall when the neighbors have sex, and especially not the howling and screaming that accompanies it. I will not miss the putting off of repairs to my air conditioner, that have caused my electric bill to skyrocket while I sit in a 78 degree living room for the past 2 months. This will be my absolute last move, and I will never live in an apartment again.
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