Most days I am able to keep my head up and keep moving forward, no matter what my circumstances are. Last night I ran smack dab into a wall of frustration, and I just feel so discouraged - about finances. Sometimes I wanna be the person that gets that break, the one that gets to go out and do things, enjoy an outing every once in a while, a weekend get-away. I'm tired of living life paycheck to paycheck, just paying bills and having to say no to everything else because there's just not enough money. I'm tired of living my life sitting in my chair doing nothing, day after day, because I can't afford to go anywhere.
I make sure my daughter has what she needs, no matter what. I put aside my own needs for hers - her needs are met, even if it means I have to put off paying a bill. It's what you do when you're a single parent - and a good parent. It's hard - and it's even harder when your child's father contributes nothing to help with the cost of raising your child.
Things are especially difficult financially right now, and I've allowed despair to creep in and grab hold of me. I hate it. I've calculated over and over, and there just isn't enough money there to do what I need to do this month. My vehicle needs to be repaired, but I can't pay for the repairs. I have to shift my focus from what I see before me in my checkbook, and instead focus on what my heart and my spirit knows to be true.
I know, I KNOW in my heart that God will provide, as He always does, even when I can't see any possible answers myself. I know that when I am looking down, I am not looking up to Him.
It's time to separate my head and my heart - to lift my head to the One that loves me and sees my efforts. He will supply all of my needs. He will make a way. I know He will.
But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. Psalm 3:3
