Oh - To Be Able To Control the Mind and the Heart

I've been thinking about some things, trying to figure out why the mind and the heart works the way it does. Both work independently and separate from anything that you might perceive as logical. You can control what you do with your life, but dang it, you cannot control what happens in your heart or your mind.

I've been on my own and out of a toxic relationship for 7 months now. I've removed the negativity and the drama completely. I know without a doubt I made the right decision. Not once do I ever wish he was back in my life. I made up my mind about what I needed to do, and I've never wavered from it.   In fact, when I heard he had a new woman in his life, all I could think was "good - he'll leave me alone for good now." I pity her, because it won't be long before she'll be living the same life I lived with him.

I've reached the point now that I'm no longer "in love" with him. I don't long for him anymore. I've transitioned through the tedious process of learning to live apart from him, out from under his control. That transfer of control from him to me was rough at first. But I lived through it, and I am so much better and stronger now than I ever was.

The hard part has been getting him out of my mind and my heart. He still crosses my mind every single day, several times. Not sad thoughts, or missing him or anything like that. Just a random thought. His name will show up in my head, and maybe an image of him. I push it away. Later in the day, there it is again. Why? Why does he have to cross my mind so much? I don't want to think about him, EVER. It's just torture, because then it reminds me of the misery he put me through. So why does this keep happening? Does he still have some kind of control over me - even from afar? What do I do to make it go away?

I want it all to go away. I long for the day and the time that I NEVER think of him. That will be when I can truly proclaim he is out of my life for good. Tell me how to make him go away for good. I need him gone. Tell me how to do this...