Small

There is someone in my life that does their best to make sure I know just how small and insignificant I am to them.  Their disdain for me shows in every glance, every hateful comment, every time I am completely ignored, and walked away from in the middle of a conversation.  Now normally I would put someone that toxic right out of my life without looking back.  However, that is not possible in this situation. 

This weighs heavily on me on a daily basis.  This person has never made one effort to really get to know me, or understand what I am about. This person refuses to see the good in me, refuses to acknowledge my talents, or a job well done. 

Despite the rocky relationship, I make every effort to smile and speak every day.  I look for and verbally acknowledge the good things in them. The adage “kill them with kindness” does not work in this situation, though it does make me feel better. 

What I would like to say to this person is this:

I see you, and I appreciate your many talents and leadership.  I’m sorry that you cannot see the same in me.  I am a person with feelings. I have a family that loves me and sees the good in me.  I have dreams that have been shattered.  My heart is heavy with worry for a son who is a homeless addict.  I have suffered from domestic abuse.  I have been betrayed by people I care about. 

Those flaws you see in me are the scars from the wounds of life.  I am not perfect.   I am a good person, and I care about people.  I love deeply. 

When you make an effort to really know someone, then you begin to see them in a different light.  They begin to matter to you.  That’s when you realize that you are no better than anyone else.   We all matter, and we all need to be loved by each other.

Shattered Heart

Some days I feel as though my heart will shatter into pieces. I worry about my son every single day. I constantly push the worry to the back of my mind, because it is too overwhelming to face it full on. On cold nights, I worry if he is able to find a warm place to sleep. On rainy nights, I worry if he is able to find a dry place to sleep. I worry daily if he is hungry, or lonely. Where is he sleeping? What is he doing? Is he safe? Is he alive? It's becoming increasingly more difficult to carry this burden. Yet I have to, because a mother never stops worrying about her child. A mother never stops loving her child. I've walked this path of despair for years now - at least 12 or more. That is far too long for someone to be homeless and lost to himself. Far too long for a mother to grieve over her child. I'm tired. What will it take for him to finally get better? How much longer can I do this Lord?

Holes

I feel lonely, God - and angry, and sad, and stuck. I know You've been close, in the past. I've felt You holding me close those years of feeling so fragile.  You brought me my children - all three. Not one did I deserve. Not one have I felt qualified to care for.

But I want to trust You, and I have seen you in the moments when I have felt completely overwhelmed with my children. Oh, children are such a responsibility, Father! They weren't just mine to care for but Yours, really. And I always so much wanted to do a good job.

Sometimes I’m not sure You love me, God. I read Your words to me, I read about You. There are times that I know there is something missing. I know I’ll forever feel not okay unless I know that You love me.

But how, God? How do I get there? How do I let go of all the pain of my past and hear You and see You, right here, and know, without a doubt, that I am Yours? How can I possibly be fully Yours when I feel so trapped, so forgotten, so broken, so alone?

I am tired of feeling so broken, God. I am tired of feeling afraid and lonely and broken. Take this, Father. I’m weary of carrying this alone.

---

My daughter, don’t cry. I know it is hard to hear Me when you doubt Me being with You, when you needed Me most. I was there, my daughter, the whole time.

That doesn't mean I condone what has happened. That doesn't mean those moments you endured are ones I planned for you. I don’t plan for evil, my daughter. I don’t plan for marriages to be broken, for children to have to grow up so fast. It is not My plan for you to have to endure the pain and heartache of an unfaithful spouse who did not value you.  It is not My plan to have a little girl feel she needs to be the strong one in the family. It is not My plan for you to feel so rejected and unloved by a parent who chose you, but never made you feel that you were worthy.   It is not My plan for this world to be so broken, to be so unlovely, for you to feel so desperately alone.

You are not alone, my daughter. And you, also, are not broken in ways that cannot be fixed. I know you feel you are broken, shattered in a million pieces. You want to collect all the pieces of yourself and offer them up but you don’t feel like they are worth much. So, when you hear the word, “surrender”, you aren't sure it will do any good. Because you don’t believe your life is one worth surrendering. Because you don’t believe I've come for you, that you are cherished and perfectly beautiful and you shine, My daughter, you shine.

Do you know what I love to call you, in the night, when your mind is racing and you want to know--oh, you want to know--why this happened, and how this happened and when the pain will ever stop?

I call you my Cherished One. I reach out my hand and brush away your tears and I cradle you. For you are still that little girl inside, you know, my darling. And that is good. It is not bad that you feel fragile inside. It is okay that you don’t feel whole. Keep looking to Me for your wholeness. Keep looking to Me for all the broken pieces in you to be collected, made beautiful.

I am whole. You don’t need to try to make yourself whole. Let those holes in you be the places where I touch you. Let the pain of the past be what I hold as I hold you. I take this pain and I cradle you close and I cherish you, my darling. And it was never My plan for you to hurt like you do.

borrowed and paraphrased from "You Are My Girls"

BE STILL

I know it might be hard for you to understand right now, because of the place that you're in.  But I want you to know that sometimes, it takes learning how to be perfectly lonely, just so God can show you what being perfectly loved feels like.  Life isn't always about searching so you can find - but at times, it's about being still - so you can receive. 

 

Too many times we let the fear of loneliness put us in a situation that God never intended for us to be in.   We let the fear of loneliness force us to chase after something God never intended for us to catch.  We lose our identity because we are too afraid to be still.  We lose our identity because we are too impatient to wait on God.  And I know personally, that you will always end up lost, when you move without God's ordered steps; and your path will always be wrong when you don't depend on God to direct it. 

You gotta understand, it's ok to have your relationship life on pause.  It's ok to have your social life on pause.  It's ok to have that situation, whatever it is for you, on pause.  Sometimes that holding pattern that you don't want is the blessing that your life needs.  Holding patterns are necessary, because they allow God to properly prepare you for what He has for you. 

And I feel you.  I know how you're feeling right now.  I know it's a struggle for you to find contentment in your life's silence.  But you gotta understand, that the quieter your life becomes, the more you can hear God speaking to your heart.  The more still your life becomes, the more you can feel God's presence in your life. 

Don't make the mistake of putting yourself in the wrong situation, because of loneliness.  Don't chase after something because you're lonely - but be still, and let God bring it to you, because you're ready.  Listen to me - He will reveal the right situation, under the right circumstances - but He first wants to make you His, before He gives you to somebody else.  He first wants to let you know everything you are - you're loved, you're special, you're beautiful, you’re talented - before this world tries to tell you everything you're not. 

And I'll leave you with this:  the strongest person isn't the one who can always move forward.  Sometimes it's the one who has the strength to be still.  The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.  You trust that.  You believe in that.  And you keep practicing that smile.

~~~~~Trent Shelton - on loneliness   

Lifter Of My Head

Most days I am able to keep my head up and keep moving forward, no matter what my circumstances are.  Last night I ran smack dab into a wall of frustration, and I just feel so discouraged - about finances.  Sometimes I wanna be the person that gets that break, the one that gets to go out and do things, enjoy an outing every once in a while, a weekend get-away.   I'm tired of living life paycheck to paycheck, just paying bills and having to say  no to everything else because there's just not enough money. I'm tired of living my life sitting in my chair doing nothing, day after day, because I can't afford to go anywhere.

I make sure my daughter has what she needs, no matter what.  I put aside my own needs for hers - her needs are met, even if it means I have to put off paying a bill.  It's what you do when you're a single parent - and a good parent.  It's hard - and it's even harder when  your child's father contributes nothing to help with the cost of raising your child.

Things are especially difficult financially right now, and I've allowed despair to creep in and grab hold of me.    I hate it.    I've calculated over and over, and there just isn't enough money there to do what I need to do this month.    My vehicle needs to be repaired, but I can't pay for the repairs.   I have to shift my focus from what I see before  me in my checkbook, and instead focus on what my heart and my spirit knows to be true.

I know, I KNOW in my heart that God will provide, as He always does, even when I can't see any possible answers myself.   I know that when I am looking down, I am not looking up to Him.

It's time to separate my head and my heart - to lift my head to the One that loves me and sees my efforts.  He will supply all of my needs.  He will make a way.  I know He will.

But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. Psalm 3:3

Oh Lord, Not Again!

I'm back home, and thank the Lord my beautiful Amy girl is OK.  She was stopped on Hwy 36 in Brazoria, waiting to make a left turn to go home.  A car coming behind her at full speed ran into the back of her Jeep.  The impact crushed the back end,  spun the Jeep completely around, where it came to rest facing the opposite direction clear on the other side of the intersection.   The hinges/brackets on her driver seat were broken and the seat was jammed all the way back.  The frame was buckled up, bending and jamming the doors every which way.  Her fiance' Albert was traveling 2 or 3 cars behind her.  He had gotten stopped at a traffic light, and as he approached the turn off, he saw something was going on.  Then her saw their Jeep all mashed up in the wrong lane facing the wrong way.  He stopped and ran to her, and she was yelling  get me out of here.  Neither of the doors would open, so he pulled her out of the driver window.  I pulled up about that time,  and had to walk forever to get to them.  I had no idea if she was badly hurt, in the ambulance or what.  When I saw her standing upright, I burst into tears and  grabbed her.  I was so freakin' relieved!  Remarkably, she is OK.  Her face and eye are bruised and swelling.  Her neck, arm and chest are very sore.  She declined ambulance transport, and yes, I fussed at her for that.  I know she's going to be hurting worse tomorrow.   I was scared to death when I got that call -  memories of my nephew's accident still very fresh in my mind.   Thank you to everyone who sent up prayers.  My God is good!   Too much has been happening lately, and I'm plumb worn out...

To Carry or Not to Carry - That is the Question!

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Here is another well written article from Robert Heckler that is designed to make you think about that weapon you are carrying or may be thinking about carrying as a CHL holder. Give it a read. I think that you will find it very interesting since it comes from a cop's point of view. (like to author's facebook page at bottom)

To Carry or Not to Carry. That is the Question!

Because of my background as a law enforcement officer, People often ask my opinion as to what gun they should buy to carry concealed. This question is asked by both men and women but mostly it is the women that ask it. The other question people usually ask me is “If I buy a gun, would you mind helping learn how to shoot it correctly?” My response to that question is always “of course I will!” But when confronted with these questions, regardless if it is male or female, young or old, I always respond by asking them a question. “Are you prepared to kill someone?” When I first started asking that question, I anticipated a much different response than what I usually get. Especially from the female shooters. I hear “Well, I am not trying to kill anyone, I just want to scare them away!” By asking this question hundreds of times to people and getting a variety of responses from them, my opinion is of that a large majority of those wishing to carry a concealed weapon do indeed have the same mindset. They only want to scare them off.

First off. I am very much pro concealed carry and honestly believe an armed society is definitely a polite one. However, those that do carry these weapons must be of the mindset to be willing to use the weapon they carry. If you are not prepared to draw that weapon, squeeze the trigger and remove someone’s life from their body, then you need to get yourself a Taser or can of pepper spray. If you are not willing to use your gun but still present it to an offender, you have now put yourself at a much greater risk than you were before you pulled your weapon.

We have all heard of the fight or flight response. When placed into a high stress situation your animal instincts kick in to survive and you have to decide at that second whether to engage in the fight or flee. Well, criminals do that same exact thing. Their human nature is to survive, just as yours is. More often than not though, criminals commit their crimes without killing anyone. The homicide to assault rate has a very wide margin. A criminal out to commit a crime may have no intentions whatsoever of killing you. But if you pull out a gun, he or she will go into fight or flight mode and do what they have to do to survive. No matter how wrong they are or how right you are. It is the way it is. If you skin that smoke wagon of yours and you are not prepared to use it, they very well may now skin theirs and be willing to use it. They may well sense that you are not willing to use your weapon and attack you with the intention of taking it away from you so that they can use it on you now as a means for them to survive.

9 times out of 10, the offender may scream and scurry away at the site of your gun. But then, that tenth time might just be the time a violator with no intentions of killing, sees your gun as a paper weight in your hands and decides to call your bluff.

A gun is a deadly force option. If you are not prepared to use deadly force. Then you need to get yourself a non lethal option. Gun fighting is not for everyone, but for those of us who wear the title proudly, we know that the mind is the most important aspect of any gun battle.

So, if you already carry, are looking to carry, or have even thought about carrying, ask this question to yourself or to your friend. Before you go and buy a gun, are you prepared to use it in defense of yourself or someone else? Are you prepared to pull the trigger and render a human being lifeless? If there is any question or hesitation, or if your answer is an outright no, then hang up your gun and / or tell them not to buy one. Go buy a Taser or stun gun instead.

For those that have made the decisions to carry and strap on the tools of freedom everyday; I commend you sheepdog. For you have taken on a great responsibility protecting yourself and the flock.

Train hard, train real, train safe.

About Robert Heckler:Robert has been working in the profession of arms for over a decade now. Serving as a SGT in the United States Army Infantry, he served 12 months in Baghdad, Iraq in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom II. After leaving the military he entered the field of law enforcement and works as a Patrol Deputy for a small county in the gulf coast of Texas. Robert specializes in less lethal, firearms, and tactical operations. Currently holds an advanced peace officers license and an advanced SWAT certification instructor, firearms instructor certification as well as instructor certifications in multiple less lethal applications. He also holds a Bachelors degree in Criminal Justice Management as well as EMT and fire certifications.
https://www.facebook.com/robert.heckler.10?fref=ts

It Is Well

My journey to where I am today has been a long, hard exhausting one.  If it were not for the influence of my Daddy, and his Godly teaching, I don't believe I would be a functioning individual. 

My Daddy had such a heart for God and people.  Everyone loved him, for he was a kind and gentle soul.  I am so thankful that I never knew the harsh hand of a father.  He taught me more by example than anything else.  I walked the straight and narrow, not out of fear, but because I did not want to disappoint my Daddy.

From a very early age, he taught me to persevere, and never give up on my dreams.  He taught me to rely fully on God, trusting Him to walk with me through every trial I would face, knowing that He would carry me through it, and I would be stronger and wiser for it. 

I learned how to put aside my shy, meek, and mild nature, and instead put on confidence and strength,  and to believe in myself.  I learned that I could do anything I wanted, but that it might sometimes require hard work on my part. 

My Daddy passed on to me a heart for God, a heart  for helping others, and a heart for changing lives.  This I learned by his fine example.  I don't strive for greatness.  I don't care to stand out.  I just want to know that I made a difference, if even a very small one.

One of my most precious memories of my Daddy is when his Alzheimer's Disease had become very advanced.  He was not able to communicate with us.  The words simply would not come to him.  Most days he didn't even know who we were.  I took him to church one Sunday.  He sat there lost, not knowing where he belonged.  And then the congregation began singing one of his favorite hymns, "It Is Well With My Soul."  As he listened to them sing, my Daddy suddenly stood to his feet,  raised his eyes toward heaven, and  sang along.  He sang every single word of that song, never missing a beat.  He knew where his help came from and he knew where his strength came from.   Though his mind was deteriorating, his spirit was not. 

This was the most important lesson he taught me -  that no matter what hardships came my way, no matter what I desired to accomplish in my life - I would be able to do so as long as I listened to that still, quiet voice whispering in my ear, saying that whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul...

So you think I'm a weak person. What is it that you even know about me that would make you form that opinion? Surely by now you're figuring out that you can't believe everything, or even anything that comes out of that person's mouth. We all have those people in our lives who will say whatever it takes to make themselves look good and the other person look bad. Fortunately I don't have to deal with that directly anymore, but I'm still dealing with it indirectly.

Yes, I may have been a weak person at one time, but not for a bad reason. I was weak, because I chose to have faith in God to intervene on behalf of my family. But God won't make anyone be obedient to Him. I was weak because I believed in love and I believed in marriage enough to stick with it, and pray, and wait for him to decide that someone besides himself mattered. I was weak because I desperately wanted to protect my child from the truth of his infidelities, and from the pain of having her parents split up. I was weak because it took me so long to finally give up. I gave up because of that last phone call I received.

If all of those things made me weak, then I wore that label proudly. But I am no longer weak. That weakness made me strong. And wise. I am strong. I am nothing like the shell of a person I was before.

So think about things before you form those negative opinions of me. And PLEASE do not speak those negative words over my daughter.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV

GRATEFUL For The Life I Live...

I recently had to move into my 85 y/o mother's house to help take care of her.  At the time this came about, it was the last thing I wanted to do.   I had left a bad relationship, and l was living on my own, paying my own bills, without a husband, for the first time ever.  I was learning to live all over again, learning who I was all over again.  Solitude was my friend.
Reluctantly, I packed everything up and moved back home.  I've been here for 3 months now.   In my bedroom I have my favorite recliner, my big-screen TV, and my big comfy bed.  It's a place where I can still have my solitude, but be close by if Mom needs me.   I have enjoyed having someone nearby, in the same house with me.  I never realized how lonely and depressed I felt, sitting there all alone in my apartment.
There were many devastating things that happened over the last few years, and I have battled frustration, depression, hopelessness, and despair.  I truly felt like I might never know happiness again.
As I sit in my recliner, reflecting on my life now, I realize that I am truly happy.  I am content with my circumstances.  I feel hope for my future.  I see so many things in myself that I'd almost lost sight of.   It is a wonderful feeling to wake up with joy every day - and for that, I am GRATEFUL!

He Had Not Forgotten Me

The darkest most painful time in my life - I had lost all sense of direction and control,

- lost all sense of who I was, or who i was becoming.

I realized a loss that was so very deep - a cavern of sorrow, 

and there was nothing to fill it.

I had literally lost myself in all of the brokenness,

drowning in a senseless despair that brought me to my knees,

as I grieved for the person that I once was, before my soul was so damaged - 

as I grieved for the loss of my self-respect, and my sense of well-being.

And all the while my heart cried out to God for strength:

to endure, to understand, to not be broken beyond repair - 

for I feared that I was.

There was nowhere I belonged, nowhere I fit in, nowhere I was wanted - 

no part of me that was worthy of being loved by anyone.

I can't forget all of the tears I cried, all of the questions I asked,

of a God who was no longer there.

I begged and pleaded for deliverance from the thoughts that plagued me. 

I wanted to be free of the pain.  I wanted to smile again.

And then, I began to free myself from all of it,

by taking just one step forward, in the right direction -

letting my heart guide me towards that freedom that I longed for.

I made my way down that precarious path, yet  I was afraid.

But I pushed on, drawing from a strength that was inside of me,

that I didn't know I still possessed. 

And yes,  I was still breathing, my heart was still beating -

I WAS ALIVE AND WHOLE.

I began to listen with my heart and my spirit,

and I began to rest in Him.

And then I realized  that I had never had to beg,  

I only had to listen,and take that step forward. 

I WAS THEN ABLE TO SEE WHO I WAS IN HIM.  I SAW MYSELF AS HE SAW ME.  

I once again began to see my value, my strength, my beauty, my intelligence,

my abilities, my normalcy, my WORTHINESS - and  my UN-BROKENNESS...

AND I LIKED WHAT I SAW.

That love, that worthiness, that beauty I was able to see in myself?  

It was reflected outward to others.  

It opened a window to my soul, that others were able to look through,

and see who I was on the inside, as well as the outside.  

It allowed the Light inside of me to shine forth, and others saw that Light.   

And the blessings began to flow...

I love who I am, and who I am becoming.  

Everything is falling into place the way it should be,

and I can't wait to see what the future holds for me.

I will never regret that pain and hurt that I have endured,

The hell that I have been through.  

NEVER.

For it is what has paved the way for me to become the person I am today -

much better, much stronger, much wiser.

That suffering and despair - it brought me to a place of  healing, of restoration,

of strength, of wisdom, of joy, and of peace -

and I am grateful for it,for it was through that suffering that I realized - 

HE HAD NOT FORGOTTEN ME...

It Is Well With My Soul

I got this tattoo yesterday, in loving memory of my Daddy  - Alban Leman Neel.   He passed away in 2005. He had Alzheimer's disease. He didn't know who we were anymore, and couldn't hold a conversation with us anymore. We took him to church one night, and we sang his favorite hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul."   Despite his inability to communicate with us in words, he stood to his feet, lifted his eyes upward, and he sang the words to that hymn - every word - and he had the most joyful, peaceful look on his face. I will never forget that day.  I was able to see the awesome presence of the Holy Spirit residing in him, giving him words to worship with, when he could not find his own. Daddy was such a Godly influence in my life.  I miss him alot...

 "No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal."

Oh - To Be Able To Control the Mind and the Heart

I've been thinking about some things, trying to figure out why the mind and the heart works the way it does. Both work independently and separate from anything that you might perceive as logical. You can control what you do with your life, but dang it, you cannot control what happens in your heart or your mind.

I've been on my own and out of a toxic relationship for 7 months now. I've removed the negativity and the drama completely. I know without a doubt I made the right decision. Not once do I ever wish he was back in my life. I made up my mind about what I needed to do, and I've never wavered from it.   In fact, when I heard he had a new woman in his life, all I could think was "good - he'll leave me alone for good now." I pity her, because it won't be long before she'll be living the same life I lived with him.

I've reached the point now that I'm no longer "in love" with him. I don't long for him anymore. I've transitioned through the tedious process of learning to live apart from him, out from under his control. That transfer of control from him to me was rough at first. But I lived through it, and I am so much better and stronger now than I ever was.

The hard part has been getting him out of my mind and my heart. He still crosses my mind every single day, several times. Not sad thoughts, or missing him or anything like that. Just a random thought. His name will show up in my head, and maybe an image of him. I push it away. Later in the day, there it is again. Why? Why does he have to cross my mind so much? I don't want to think about him, EVER. It's just torture, because then it reminds me of the misery he put me through. So why does this keep happening? Does he still have some kind of control over me - even from afar? What do I do to make it go away?

I want it all to go away. I long for the day and the time that I NEVER think of him. That will be when I can truly proclaim he is out of my life for good. Tell me how to make him go away for good. I need him gone. Tell me how to do this...

Spread a Little Love

I love the Philadelphia Cream Cheese commercial that sings the song “Spread a Little Love.” 

I went on YouTube and figured out that the song it is based on was originally sung by Jackie DeShannon. 

Jackie DeShannon - this one doesn't do much for me

There are other artists who have recorded the song, including John Mayer, Dolly Parton, Al Green, and Anne Murray.   I like those four the best, but I think the one by John Mayer is my favorite, simply because I love his voice.

John Mayer-because his voice is so soulful

Anne Murray - I love her deep alto and it's in my range

 

Al Green - American gospel and soul artist

 

Dolly Parton - because she's just so happy and peppy

Which one is your favorite?

I'm Getting To A Good Place

6 months ago I was homeless and alone, having fled from  a toxic, abusive relationship.  I had my own place after about 10 days.  It's small, but adequate.  I've been working very hard on healing my mind, my spirit, and my emotions.  I'm in a much better place now, though I still have much work to do.  I feel happier.  I feel stronger.  I have come so far.  Right about the time you start to see progress, old habits try to sneak back in.  For the past month or so, I have been battling my inner demons, for lack of a better way to describe it.  I've allowed my mind to go places it has no business going.  I've come very, very close to considering going back to him.  Every time I do though, I hear that small voice inside of me saying  "NO!  You have come so far.  You will not undo everything you have accomplished! You are far too valuable to settle for that!"  I believe it is the voice of the Holy Spirit, and I listen!  Every single time I have considered it, He always, always gives me a reality check.  Thank you Lord, for Your Holy Spirit who speaks to me in the still of the night.  For being my Voice of Reason.  For helping me to be strong enough to resist.  I will keep moving forward, putting one foot in front of the other.  I will never go backward, because I don't ever want to be in that place again. This is my journey, and I will correctly choose who I take with me.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. ”

Read this profound statement today:

 When I turn a negative experience into a tool that brings meaning into my life and others, I am taking the best kind of revenge on my abuser...

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Negative things done to you in your past hurt. They'll hurt forever if you let them. There comes a point in time when you have to realize that you can't live backwards. Dwelling on the past is dying. Cherishing today and looking forward to tomorrow is living. Don't let your past prevent you from living. 
 JERALDHOWARD.com

This Was My Life

If this is your life too, then get out now while you can. It will not get better. In time you will completely lose sight of yourself. Don't allow anyone to have that much control over you. You are strong. You are brave. You are beautiful...

I Can Do This...

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience
in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror.
I can take the next thing that comes along.’
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

—Eleanor Roosevelt in You Learn by Living